Remember When
by katesanders422
Summary: Albus Potter knew why they had been the seven most important years of his life. He couldn't understand how Scorpius Malfoy had become such a big part of them but after it all happened, he couldn't bring himself to regret any of it.
1. Prologue

_**Wow, so this started off as a one shot… 64 pages later haha**_

_**Also I reference a band in this called Walk the Moon and if you've never heard of them then your life is incomplete and I have just completed it for you.**_

**Remember When**

_Prologue_

I hadn't visited in over 4 years since I had left England. It felt strange to come back. After coming here everyday for 5 years, 1825 days it still felt like nothing had changed.

Except me of course.

I'm not the 17-year-old kid who was so in love anymore. That Albus Potter was wild and fun and okay with who he was because he had someone's hand to hold and jackets to steal when it got cold. That Albus was happy and I am not him.

I walked through the field of stone, barely seeing where I was going. But I didn't need to look. My worn converse tread across an even more worn path that I had made from all those times I'd visited.

I found him right where I'd left him. I had made sure he was out of the way but not secluded, in the sun but not enough to get burned, close to the forest but not hidden away. Because that's how he was when I'd known him. He was never meant to be hidden away.

The grass was wet but I sat down anyway. With the sleeve of his jacket that I'd kept all these years I wiped away the afternoon rain from his name.

"I didn't bring you flowers this time," I said. "They were all out of white roses."

I didn't speak again for a while, long enough for it to start raining again. I finally wiped my eyes and said, "I did it, Scor. I filled them all out."

From the jacket I pulled out six colored notebooks, moleskin and rather beat up from all the places I'd taken them. All of them had a different sticker on the back cover from which country I'd been in when I'd written in it. I laid them down in front of him in a perfect stack: blue then yellow, red, green, orange and purple. I tapped them with my wand so that they could never be taken away or ruined by the rain.

I stood up. My voice shook when I spoke.

"You were right, Scorpius. I just needed something to write about. And I found it. I found you."

I started to walk away but before I got too far, I couldn't help myself. I turned around and walked back to him.

"I thought about what I would do if I could change it all, you know," I whispered. "I only knew you for _7 years _and that's all it took to give me a lifetime of being alone.

"But I could never bring myself to regret it, Scor. Because it was worth it. You were worth it. And even though you were forced to, I'll never forget you."

That day was September 1st. It had been fifteen years since I first met Scorpius Malfoy.


	2. Chapter 1

_The Year We Hated Each Other_

I thought about what my dad had said for the whole train ride. _Common, Al, you can choose. _I thought about it as we climbed into the boats and I saw Hogwarts for the first time. _Just tell the hat what you want. _I thought about it as I stood with the other first years, staring at the Great Hall doors. We could hear the murmur of hundreds of voices that had already done what we were about to do. _James is in there, Al. He's in Gryffindor, you can choose._ I thought about it as I walked between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables, all the way up to where a frayed and ripped hat rested on a stool.

People started being called out. They all looked petrified and I wondered how I must look. I almost felt angry with them. They think they felt nervous? They didn't have any pressure on them. They didn't have a famous father and enough family in Gryffindor to take over the entire quidditch team. They didn't know anything. At such a young age I was already so damn bitter!

Another named was called out. I was too wrapped up to hear the name but I already knew who he was. He walked up to the front and sat down. He didn't look nervous or scared. He didn't fidget. He looked... blank. Empty. The hat was placed onto his head and his eyes found mine.

_Malfoy. _

There wasn't any hostility in his gaze, nothing to say he wanted to punch me in the face because I'm a Potter. He just looked dead.

The hat called out Slytherin and I surprised myself when I breathed out a sigh of relief for him. He had to be a Slytherin, he's a _Malfoy__. _Much like I have to be a Gryffindor. Right?

My name was called shortly after Malfoy's. I walked up slowly as if I were in a trance and sat down. The moment the hat touched my head everything was gone. I forgot everything my dad had said, I forgot about James and my cousins and the blond boy staring at me from the far side of the room. All I could think about was how the seat was somewhat wobbly and how the hat was making my ear itch and-

"SLYTHERIN!"

I stood up so fast that I actually knocked over the seat. It clattered loudly to the ground. No one else in the hall made a sound.

I stood there in front of everyone. The woman whose name I'd already forgotten who had led us into the hall didn't even try to take the hat back as even she was stunned.

A Potter. In Slytherin.

And then a boy from Slytherin who looked to be about 13 like James stood up. I recognized him. He and James were friends. They have a quidditch rivalry and they tease each other but it's all in a joking way. The boy pointed at James.

"YEAH, WE GOT POTTER! SUCK IT, JAMES!"

The tension broke and the crowd erupted into laughter. James stood up.

"YOU WON'T BE LAUGHING WHEN AL TAKES YOUR POSITION ON THE QUIDDITCH TEAM AS SEEKER, YOU WANKER!"

More laughs. While everyone was looking at them I realized that I didn't want to be up here any longer. I ripped the hat off my head, threw it to the ground and all but ran off towards the Slytherin table.

I sat down and stared down at my empty plate. My eyes were stinging and I kept blinking.

When the crowd had finally died down and my brother had been given detention, the sorting went on like nothing had happened. Like Albus Potter hadn't been made a Slytherin.

I looked to my left and found Scorpius Malfoy looking at me.

"Oh, perfect," he spat, "the chosen one's brat."

And those were the only words he ever spoke to me all year.

~O-O~

James had been right. I _did _take that guys spot as Slytherin seeker. I wasn't planning on going to the trials, at least not for first year. The guy that's friends with James, Eric Reynolds, though apparently everyone just calls him Reyn, rudely woke me up on the day of the trials. Apparently he wanted to see if I _could_ beat him out of his position.

My trial lasted all of 5 minutes. Reyn gave up his position and took one as chaser. I felt bad but he was very cool about it and said that he just wants Slytherin to "beat the shit out of Gryffindor."

It was odd for me when I heard that because I found myself agreeing with him.

Because I _was_ a Slytherin.

~O-O~

After the first few months, I became a sort of object of fascination to the school and especially to the Slytherins. I defied everything everyone had once known. I was a Potter with the green scarf.

I had a lot of friends from every house. I hung out with Rose and James in the Gryffindor common room. Technically I wasn't supposed to be in there but no one said anything. Lucy and Dom, who are in Ravenclaw, hung out with me a lot outside by the lake. I made friends in Slytherin too after they got over the initial shock of my last name. The other first year boys were really nice, with one exception of course. There were six of us: me, Quinn, Elian, Max, Hale and Malfoy. Five of us got along great together. And then there was Malfoy.

He always stuck out. He grew about 5 inches between September and Christmas break and he towered over all of us. He was quiet though not shy. He kept to himself mostly but did have a lot of friends. They were all second and third year Slytherins, intimidating and mean. I think he liked having older friends because they made _him_ feel older. I sometimes swore he was thirty years old and just trapped in an eleven year old body.

My first year at Hogwarts eventually came to an end. We won the Quidditch Cup, narrowly beating James and the Gryffindor team in the finals. He was cool about it though. He ruffled my hair and told me I did well. Then Reyn appeared out of nowhere and put him in a chokehold and dragged him through the crowd. I laughed while they wrestled on the ground.

The final feast came too fast and to my surprise we didn't win the house cup. Ravenclaw came out with it. The Slytherins were devastated but I didn't really care. It had been a good year.

But as I climbed up the stairs into the Hogwarts Express, I realized that I was alone. I had friends, sure, but they all had their own best friend.

I didn't have anyone like that.

I got onto the train and sat in a compartment full of Slytherins.

And I've never felt so alone.


	3. Chapter 2

_The Year I Accidentally Saved Him_

I finally grew during the summer. I got about 6 more inches. My hair grew out too. My bangs now fall into my eyes and give me this "air of mystery" as Lily calls it. I was going to cut it until she said how much she hated it. So obviously now I'm keeping it just to annoy her.

I also noticed that my vision isn't at all 20/20. Everything in the distance is blurry and unfocused. I refuse to tell anyone though. I already look enough like Harry Potter. I cannot. Get. Glasses.

So I left for second year, too tall, too gangly and just slightly blind. I met my Slytherin friends in our usual compartment. I felt bad for not having written them all summer but they welcomed me back nonetheless.

I felt really happy when I sat down at the Slytherin table, a proud second year watching all of the first years get sorted. It was a normal sorting, no detentions given out, no inappropriate outbursts, no massive earth shattering surprises that causes emotional anguish for everyone. I clapped as little terrified 11 year olds joined our table. I watched a tiny blond girl sit beside a very pale boy whom I guessed was another first year and it took me a moment to realize that it was Scorpius Malfoy.

And he looked terrible. His face was white and gaunt and his eyes were hollow and empty. His bony shoulders were poking at his shirt and he looked skinny. _Much_ too skinny. When the feast began I found my eyes wandering back to Malfoy more than once. He filled his plate with food and played with it but he didn't eat a single bite.

That night in the dormitory as we unpacked our things and got ready for bed, I thought about asking him if he was okay but I knew that that would be stupid. We've spoken once and that was enough to know he was rude and arrogant. So I got into bed and fell asleep, pushing him out of my mind.

~O-O~

The first few months of school were fine, though uneventful. I went to lessons. I played quidditch. I studied in the library. I hung out with my friends.

Scorpius Malfoy did none of those things.

After I saw how he looked at the feast he became a sort of obsession to me. I would watch him, not really in a creepy way just in a… concerned way. Which when I think about it didn't really make sense. He was pretty much a dick to me first year and yet when I see him grow paler and thinner I can't help but feel scared for him.

He showed up to about half of our lessons. I knew he was smart because he frequently beat even Rose at grades in first year and yet this year he seemed to be failing everything. He couldn't concentrate in lessons and never took notes. We were put into partners in potions once. He didn't try to help or understand what we were doing. I did try to talk to him though. Our conversation pretty much went like this.

Me: Do you want to cut up the roots?

Scorpius: No, you do it.

Me: Alright. Do you –

Scorpius: No.

Me: … are you okay?

Scorpius: Stop asking me so many damn questions!

And then he grabbed one of the roots and began viciously tearing it into pieces. I got the impression that he wished it was my head instead. So I made the potion by myself and we didn't talk again for the rest of the lesson.

First term went by fast and I found myself once again at the Burrow surrounded by my massive family. I sat in the corner with a mug of tea and watched them all.

My parents were talking to Rose's. Lily and Hugo were listening eagerly to Dom tell them all about Hogwarts in preparation for them coming next year. James was sitting in front of the fire, making the flames leap higher or change colors. He was laughing like the pyromaniac he is. Victoire and Teddy were on the stairs – ew, _merlin _get a room!

The rest were in the kitchen cooking dinner or making desert or, if you were Roxanne, playing Firewhisky pong with Lucy even though they both were too young.

I smiled as I sipped my tea. Once again I was surrounded by people and still felt lonely but it was okay. I wasn't outgoing like James or friendly like Rose or even charismatic like Lily.

As I watched the pink flames in the fireplace, I started to think about Scorpius Malfoy. I wondered what he was doing. And even though he didn't like me I really hoped that going back home would help him with whatever he was dealing with.

The Monday we all returned to lessons, though, it was blatantly obvious that he wasn't better.

He looked worse.

I spent the first week back pretty much terrified. I didn't know if I should tell a teacher or confront him myself but I felt like I had to do something before he did something really bad.

The next week when Malfoy came out of the showers without a shirt and I realized I could count every one of his ribs, I knew I had to do something.

So I skipped dinner and waited for him to come back to the dormitory because he almost never went to dinner anymore and I wanted us to be alone.

But he never showed. I waited for over an hour until the other boys started coming back from dinner. I didn't want to think of the worst but I couldn't help but worry if I was already too late.

So I did the only thing I could do. When the other boys started to go to sleep and Malfoy still wasn't back, I decided to go out looking for him.

I looked everywhere. Every floor, every classroom that wasn't locked, every secret room. I even risked my neck but sneaking outside with the cloak and checking the grounds and the quidditch pitch.

I had given up and was walking slowly back to the dormitory in defeat, hoping that he would somehow be there, when I thought of something. Malfoy had the password to the prefects' bathroom.

I did too for that matter. Roxanne had given it to me a few days ago and the first time I decided to use it I saw Malfoy leaving it.

So I sprinted up to the fifth floor, whispered _Peace Lily _to the door and slipped inside.

He was in there.

Though I wished he wasn't and that we were both asleep back in the dorm because this was terrible. Malfoy's white button up shirt was ripped open and the sleeves were wrinkled and pushed back like he'd played with them a lot. His hair was wild and I watched him grip and pull at it. But his face was the worst. His cheeks were pink and tear stained and he was still crying. His eyes were wide open and they looked crazy.

He looked so unlike the normally calm and respectable boy the rest of the school sees that I wanted to back right up and leave without ever having to think about this again. But before I could try, Malfoy spotted me.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!" he roared turning to face me.

"You weren't in the dorm," I said suddenly shy. I looked at the ground. "So I came looking for-"

I stopped abruptly when Malfoy strode over to me and promptly punched me in the face. It didn't hurt that bad because he was so skinny and weak but I still clenched my fists and stood up to him.

"I came to help you!" I yelled angrily. "But it you don't want it then you can screw off."

Malfoy laughed. "As if you could help me, _Perfect Potter_."

He stopped laughing and picked up a little glass ornament from a table at the side of the room. He threw it across the room where it smashed against the wall.

"No one can help me," he said. And as abruptly as he'd started he sat down on the ground and began to sob.

Before I knew what I was doing I was sitting down on the floor a few feet away from him with my back against the bathtub. I didn't say anything. I just waited.

Eventually Malfoy's sobs ran out and he looked up at me. I gazed at him evenly, hoping that my expression would convey everything I wanted to say.

He stared at me for a bit before he wiped his cheeks and said, "I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's fine," I found myself saying. It was so incredibly weird. Malfoy wasn't glaring at me and he wasn't being rude and he had just apologized.

We fell into silence again. I was running my fingers over the grooves in the tile floor when Malfoy spoke again.

"Nothing I ever do is good enough. It will never be good enough."

That's all he said. He offered no more explanation. I met his gaze.

"Your father?"

He nodded. "I spent all first year trying my hardest to please him and nothing I ever did was good enough for Draco Malfoy." Malfoy paused for a moment as if evaluating what he had just said. And then he just began ranting.

"Like I would get an _Exceeds Expectations _on an assignment and he would get mad that I didn't get an _Outstanding. _Then I'd study harder and get _O_'s in everything and somehow it still wouldn't be good enough. He'd want me to know things from the next year's curriculum. And then there's quidditch. When he heard you made the team last year he went on and on about how _of course Harry Potter's _perfect_ son would be better than mine_."

He said it all in one breath and when he was done he looked up at me as if he were scared I might judge him. I wanted to say something positive and inspiring but I ended up saying, "I'm not perfect." He looked at me with big sad eyes and suddenly I found myself saying everything I'd wanted to say.

"In first year I always thought _you_ were the perfect one. You had the older more sophisticated friends, you topped even Rose in some classes, you were all the teacher's favorite. I never knew that you were made to think that all of that wasn't enough. I envied you at how… _cool _you were. You always belonged in Slytherin and you knew that. I never knew. I still don't."

I stopped talking and I felt my face heat up. Embarrassed, I stared down at my shoes though I could feel Malfoy's eyes boring into the side of my head.

"I'm sorry you know," he said after awhile. "I really was a total wanker towards you first year. I guess I thought that… if I were mean to you my father would like that. And then maybe he'd like me."

We lapsed into silence again, both wrapped up in our thoughts. I checked the time and it was well past midnight and yet I still had no intention of going back to the dorm just yet.

"I always wanted to be an author, you know," I said quietly. "Lily will work in the ministry because she loves orderly jobs and bossing people around and James is going to be the auror like my dad. But I always just wanted to write. I wanted to be one of those people who would sit down in a muggle coffee shop and pull out a notebook and a pen and just write.

"So for my 9th birthday I asked my mom for this really nice notebook from Flourish and Blotts. I can't remember what color it was but it bright and awesome. So she got it for me and I ran home and sat on my windowsill and grabbed a pen. And I sat there for over an hour without writing a single word because I realized I had nothing to write about."

I looked over at Malfoy. He was giving me a very strange look.

"Why did you just tell me that?"

"I don't know to be honest. You seem to be plagued with troubles so I thought I'd tell you about my abysmal writing career."

And then Malfoy burst out laughing and it was the most amazing thing in the world. I don't know him and he doesn't know me and yet I feel like I've been waiting a long time to see him be happy.

When he finally stopped laughing he said, "Well, I'm really into scrapbooking."

And that was pretty much the funniest thing I had ever heard. I tried not to laugh and I could tell that he knew that I was trying not to laugh. Eventually he started laughing at me and I couldn't stop myself from joining in.

"Scrapbooking? Seriously?"

Mayfoy grinned and kicked my leg. I kicked him back.

And then we were both grinning at each other like idiots and it was all very weird.

Finally he stood up and helped me to my feet. We stood in front of each other, head to head.

"Are we gonna like, hug or something," I joked.

Malfoy suddenly got very serious and he opened his arms and stepped closer to me.

"Yup, we're going to do this."

I backed up. "Uh nope, I'm not really a hugger."

"I don't care, we're gonna hug it out. C'mere."

"Dear god no, please stop-"

Too late. Malfoy hugged me very briefly and then I shoved him off.

"Alright, alright. I'm still a Potter, you know."

Malfoy just rolled his eyes and together we left the bathroom. We walked in silence back to the dormitory where stopped once inside the common room.

"Look I-," began Malfoy. "Just… thanks and all, for tonight, but we can't like, be best friends now or whatever."

I was shocked that he had even thought about that. "Yeah, no worries, man. We're… cool."

He nodded. I nodded.

And then we awkwardly climbed the stairs to the dormitory we shared and we both got into bed fully clothed because I don't think either of us wanted to spend another awkward moment in each other's presence.

The next morning Malfoy showed up to breakfast and he ate. He was at every lesson and I watched him play chess that night with one of his friends.

We didn't speak again for the rest of the year but he would sometimes catch my eye in the halls and he would nod and I would nod and we would both just know.


	4. Chapter 3

_The Year We Became Sort Of Almost Kind Of Friends_

Well, the truth came out. It was stupid that I'd let it go on for so long because I had started to get headaches.

James and I were playing quidditch in the backyard in the last week of summer. It was hot but the wind felt really good as we flew over the house. The game ended when James made a no-look pass and I couldn't see it because of my eyesight.

The quaffle hit me square in the face and I fell off my broom. I wasn't too high off the ground because if I had been any higher I probably would have died.

Anyways I landed in the giant pine tree in the backyard and smashed through the branches before crashing onto the ground. James landed next to me and screamed for me not to move but naturally I didn't listen to him. I sat up and almost immediately threw up everywhere. Mum and Dad had both heard the commotion and ran outside. James was almost in tears because he swore it was his fault which I guess it partially was. Dad carried me inside and fixed me up. I had a concussion and my leg was fractured but dad fixed it in a second. My face was bleeding like crazy. Dad healed that too but one deep cut scarred right through my eyebrow. Lily now calls me _Scar_ because of some animated muggle movie she'd once seen. James calls me _the_ _Grim Reaper_ because apparently I should be dead.

On September 1st when James and I and finally Lily were boarding the Hogwarts Express, I realized something absolutely terrible.

I have unruly black hair, green eyes, my last name's Potter and I now have a scar on my face. I almost prayed to wizard god that I didn't get glasses.

After I finally admitted to my parents that I could barely see, they got me contact lenses. I didn't even know what those were but I didn't care. As long as I didn't have to be _Harry Jr _I was happy. So I spent the last week of the holidays poking myself with the eye and having many tantrums until I finally got it.

When I had finally sat down at the Slytherin table for the welcoming feast, no fewer than _thirty _people had asked me what happened to my face. I was so irritated by it that I started telling them all different stories, each as crazy as the last.

After the sorting finished (Lily was made a Gryffindor, big surprise) and the feast was over ("No, I did not get mauled by a bear and no, James and I did not have a knife fight"), I was finally in bed and exhausted. I was turning off my light when Scorpius Malfoy rolled over on his bed and said, "So what did happen to your face?"

I sighed. "I fell off my broom and smashed through a tree in my backyard." Malfoy blinked.

"Oh," was all he said. Then he rolled back over. "Sadly not as exciting as trying to thumb wrestle a dragon."

"Is that what people are saying?" I mumbled into my pillow. "Well shit, no wonder all the girls were making eyes at me at dinner."

I turned off the light and Malfoy's ghostly chuckle from the darkness made me grin.

~O-O~

By the second week of school I was already buried under nerves. And no, not about school of course. Quidditch trials were at the end of the week and we were short a chaser. Reyn had become Captain and he was positively panicking. For some strange reason that I could not fathom for the life of me, he had taken me as his personal quidditch assistant. He marched me around everywhere in the school discussing which Slytherins could be good and how we could blackmail them into joining the team. Each suggestion was as illegal as the next and two days before trials, Reyn was a mess.

I went to my last resort. I cornered Malfoy after dinner.

"Ireallyneedyouforthequidditchteam." I said it so fast and in a slightly maniacal voice. I guess Reyn was rubbing off on me.

Malfoy looked at me. "Sorry, Potter, but I'm too busy for quidditch, what with school and everything."

"EUGH YOU SOUND LIKE ROSE!" I shrieked. "You don't have to study so much!"

Malfoy put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

I calmed down a bit after that. "I was up at 4 AM doing stats and plays with Reyn. There better be a bloody team or it'll all have been for nothing."

Malfoy looked sympathetic but he still said no. As he walked away, I couldn't help but wish I'd tried harder to become friends after the _incident _last year. Because if he were my friend I could bind him and forcefully drag him to the trials without it being very weird.

The day before the trials I was in the library studying transfiguration. I had escaped from Reyn because he was driving me mental. With any luck some random first year will show up and we won't have to forfeit. I don't think a forfeit has ever happened in the history of Hogwarts.

It was raining outside so all the tables in the library were full. I had gotten there early so I had a table to myself near the back. I pulled off a bunch of random books from a shelf and stacked them on my desk so that I could hide the bag of Licorice Wands uncle George had sent me behind them.

As I was flipping through _Transfiguration and You, Volume 3_ and trying to differentiate between spell names, someone came up to me. I looked up to see Scorpius Malfoy looking down at me sheepishly.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" he asked. "The library is pretty full and the only other empty seats are beside strange first year girls I've never met before who called me 'foxy'."

"But you are foxy," I deadpanned. I surprised even myself at my cheekiness.

Scorpius quirked an eyebrow but took the seat I offered him. He sat down and looked at me for a bit.

"You got quite a lot of books there," he acknowledged. He grabbed the top most one. "Ah. _Mandrake Leaves and Their Uses in Cooking. _You know, I think I read that one."

He was joking of course.

"Ha ha," I laughed sarcastically. "It's my shield."

"Shield?"

"From the librarian." I pulled out a Licorice Wand and handed it to him. He rolled his eyes but took it and thanked me anyways.

I went back to my book though I couldn't really concentrate anymore. My thoughts kept flickering back to _Scorpius Malfoy_ who was sitting at _my table_ eating the candy _I'd_ given him.

How very strange.

What was even stranger was when Malfoy suddenly laughed. He shook his head and covered his mouth with his hand but he was unmistakably laughing.

"What?" I asked, almost laughing myself.

"I was just remembering when you'd gotten sorted into Slytherin," he said, still grinning like mad. "And you stood up all outraged and knocked over the stool. Merlin, your face was priceless."

To prove his point his stood up really fast and purposely knocked over his chair. His eyes got wide and he theatrically put on this terrified face. I grabbed his sleeve and pulled him down. He picked up his chair and sat back down though he was still laughing.

"I did not look _that _stupid!" I hissed. "I didn't, did I?"

Malfoy shook his head. "No no, of _course_ not."

I punched him in the shoulder. Then he brought out a potions assignment and got work and I went back to my book. It wasn't until we were packing up and he thanked me for sharing the table and most of my Licorice Wands with him did I realize that I had pretty much just had a study date with a Malfoy.

~O-O~

At 6 o'clock the next day, I stood on the quidditch pitch with Reyn and the four other players. It was time for trials and no one was here.

"Shit," was all Reyn said.

I couldn't really grasp what was going on. Would the team be cancelled? Would the quidditch cup not go on?

Suddenly the keepers face broke into a grin and she yelled, "Look!"

We all turned around and watched Scorpius Malfoy walk across the pitch towards us. He was dressed in emerald robes and he carried a broomstick in his hand.

"Hope I'm not too late?" he said with a lopsided smile.

Myself and the five other members of the team sighed in relief. Reyn actually went over to Malfoy and enveloped him in a very unmanly hug. Malfoy looked uncomfortable as Reyn actually cried on his shoulder and chanted _thank you _over and over again.

When Reyn had finally pulled it together and we started to take off for practice, I held back and stood beside Malfoy.

"Changed your mind, I see."

Scorpius shrugged and mounted his broom. "You convinced me."

And then he took off and I followed him.

~O-O~

Shortly after the Christmas holidays had finished and we were all back at school I found myself with no homework on a Tuesday night. I brought down my chess set and set it up on the floor in front of the fire in the Slytherin common room. For about a half hour I poked and prodded at the black pieces so that they could play by themselves. It kind of worked until one of the rooks got fed up and began break dancing on the board.

"I don't know much about chess," said Scorpius Malfoy laying down on the couch beside me, "but I'm pretty sure the pieces aren't supposed to do that."

"Shut. Up," I growled, waving my wand at the rook. He began to do a sort of Irish jig.

"So, what's up with your pieces?" Malfoy asked. He seemed amused.

"I was trying to get them to play by themselves. No one ever wants to play with me."

Malfoy was quiet for a moment. "I'll play with you."

I looked over at him so fast that my neck cricked. "You will!?"

He sat up and stretched. "Sure, why not. I've only played once though so go easy on me."

I didn't tell him that the reason no one ever wanted to play me was because I was a chess genius.

He sat down in front of me and crossed his legs. He looked at ease, unaware of the arse kicking I was about to administer.

Twenty minutes later and Malfoy had taken my queen, both bishops, my rook and most of my pawns. Every time I tried a new strategy he was able to block me and get the upper hand.

"You said you'd only played this once!" I whined as he took my other rook.

"Beginner's luck I guess." He said it while smirking and avoiding my gaze. He was lying.

"You dirty cheater!" I yelled, jumping to my feet and pointing an accusatory finger at him. "You've played this a lot haven't you!"

Malfoy actually had the audacity to whistle as he played with the pieces he'd taken from me.

"OH, YOU WANKER!"

I jumped him. Pulling him to his feet I wrapped an arm around his neck and held him in a chokehold. He sputtered, either from lack of air or he was laughing, I couldn't tell.

"That was not nice!" I shouted childishly.

He tried to dislodge himself from me but I held on. We crashed into the coffee table and then we were full on wrestling on the floor. We knocked over just about everything and by now everyone was watching us. Mostly people were just laughing though some looked like we were actually going to kill each other. I kept screaming profanities at Malfoy and he just kept on laughing.

Finally I ended up on top, straddling his waist. I pinned him down as someone from across the room yelled, "SAVE IT FOR THE BEDROOM!"

The tension in the room broke and we were all laughing. I rolled off Malfoy, breathing hard. I grinned at Malfoy and he laughed at me. He was very pink in the face and I took that as a sign that I had won.

After the little _chess_ _debacle_ as I liked to call it, Malfoy and I played chess every night when we didn't have quidditch practice or too much homework.

Malfoy admitted that he was rather good at chess (which is a severe understatement if you ask me). He also said that 'technically' he hadn't lied. He said he'd only played chess once. He left out the part where he actually used to play chess once _a day_.

So we played chess all the time. And we hung out sometimes after quidditch. And we walked around Hogsmeade together in February.

By March I realized that we may actually be… _friends._

I didn't tell him this of course. I mean, he's nice and all but he's still a Malfoy and that is still very intimidating.

~O-O~

On May the 12th I had my first kiss. She was a Ravenclaw and had strange dyed pink hair but she was really fit. It wasn't that good really to be honest. I don't think she'd kissed anyone before either. It was quick and messy and she ran away before I could say anything. The surprising part though was after it happened the first person I wanted to tell was Scorpius Malfoy.

~O-O~

On the last day before the summer holidays, we were in the dormitory packing up the last of our things. The other boys had already packed and gone but we'd procrastinated until it was ten minutes before the end of year feast.

"So _Walk The Moon_ is playing in London at the end of July," said Malfoy as he took down his Montrose Magpies team poster from above his bed. _Walk The Moon _was an american muggle band that we both loved.

"Aw, _no way_!" I said, collapsing on top of my overflowing suitcase. "Merlin, I would give anything to see them play live."

"I got tickets."

"SHUT UP," I yelled. "Christ! I'm so jealous!"

Malfoy smacked a hand to his forehead and shook his head. "You really can be an idiot sometimes. I got two tickets. Why else would I tell you about it." I just blinked at him. "Potter. I'm asking if you want to go to the concert with me."

I had trouble breathing for a moment. "Yes. Oh dear wizard god yes. I will go to the concert with you, Scorpius."

There was a very obvious silence and Malfoy quirked an eyebrow. My mouth fell open at my slip up.

"Oh, are we going by first names now, _Albus_?" He stressed my name. I breathed out a sigh of relief that he was teasing me rather than hexing me or something.

"Sure, _Scorpius_, whatever you want."

"Great, _Albus_. Shall we go down to the feast now, _Albus?"_

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, shut up."


	5. Chapter 4

_The Year We Were Inseparable_

While students gathered on Platform 9 ¾ getting ready to leave for another school year, some things were expected.

The train would leave at exactly 11 o'clock. Some poor kid would lose their animal and have to chase all over the station for it. Someone's sibling who was still too young for Hogwarts would run after the train as it started to move as if they wanted to catch it.

One thing that no one expected, however, was to see me and Scorpius Malfoy run for each other and have a massive bro hug right in the middle of the platform.

They knew we were dorm mates and they new we were on the same quidditch team. But the population of Hogwarts never knew a Potter and a Malfoy would ever be hugging like they hadn't seen each other for years.

It had actually only been a few days since we'd seen each other. After the concert (which was bloody brilliant), Scorpius and I saw each other almost everyday. We would go down to London or Diagon Alley. We would hang out at mine, something that my parents never totally got used to. In their defense I wasn't very tactful about it at all. One day I asked my dad if a friend could come over and the next minute I was pulling Scorpius into the kitchen to meet my parents. They were shocked to say the least but they weren't against it.

James was a different story. He came into my room to borrow some socks and found me sorting through some school things while talking to Scorpius who was lying on my bed and reading _The Daily Prophet. _He got the socks but not before sending the dirtiest glare toward my friend. Scorpius just shrugged it off but I was mad. I cornered James later and rammed it down his throat that Scorpius was really nice and that if he did anything mean to him I would tell mum and dad that I caught him and some of his Gryffindor friends smoking pot behind the quidditch changerooms. He became instantly civil towards Scorpius and I was very pleased with myself.

By the end of the summer it was no longer Albus and Scorpius. Now it was Al and Scor.

And we were closer than anything.

The first night back at the castle, Scor and I did not get any sleep at all. We stole a whole pot of coffee from the kitchens and we had a crazy wild first night back.

I had told Scor about the cloak in the summer. I surprised even myself, telling a Malfoy like _the _biggest secret of the Potter family. It felt good though. I liked having someone that I could tell things to.

So we drank coffee the whole night and snuck around the castle under the cloak. The castle is a whole different place at night. It's dark and mystical and… well magical, no pun intended.

Scorpius managed to transfigure our empty coffee cups into skateboards and we raced through the halls on them, making sure we cast _muffliato _so no one could here us giggling like mad and wiping out everywhere.

I can't really remember why we decided to do this. I guess we just wanted to have some fun. That idea stuck with us apparently because after that, we didn't stop. We always wanted something else, something more. We grew accustom to adrenaline and we seemed to be allergic to the bore of the quiet life. It's almost funny how perfect Scor and I are together. Every thought I have it's like he had the exact same one at the exact same time.

After our coffee night, lessons the next morning were terrible. The caffeine had worn off and I physically couldn't keep my eyes open. Scor stared at every teacher without really seeing anything and the moment the last bell rang we were already going back to the dorms where we promptly passed out in the common room right on the floor. The Slytherins who had to walk over our bodies found it quite funny.

~O-O~

"You ready, mate?" I asked, clapping him on the shoulder. Scorpius nodded assuredly.

"Fuck yeah."

We grabbed our brooms and followed Reyn and the rest of the team out onto the pitch. It was the first match of the season, Gryffindor vs. Slytherin.

I stood near Scor as Reyn and James shook hands. They both had maniacal grins on their faces and their handshake ended up in a bro hug.

"So how many points you gonna score today, Scor?" I teased, mounting my broom. Scor followed suite.

"300 too much?" he said. I laughed and took off.

"Never!"

The game was wild. The captains were locked in a furious battle of _who is the best_. Scor, who is lighter and speedier than nearly everyone else, scored enough for me to lose count. I kept circling for the snitch with no luck. I watched the 6th year Gryffindor seeker but we both had no luck.

The game finally ended with my spectacular catch of the snitch. Both seekers had seen it and we were set in a dive after it. Their seeker wasn't as fantastically awesome as me though. We were neck and neck, speeding towards the snitch, arms outstretched. It was going to be close.

So I did the only thing I could think of to win it. I leaned forward, stretched my arm out in front of his and jumped off my broom. My hand closed around the evasively annoying piece of metal and that was about all I'd planned for. I quickly realized that I was no longer supported by anything.

A strangled yell escaped my mouth as I fell through the air. I wasn't too high (not like last summer) but the crowd still gasped as I plummeted toward the ground and crashed into the dirt. There was a hushed silence the followed until I regained my breath and held up my hand, brandishing the captured snitch. The stadium erupted into cheers and my team circled above me on their brooms, clapping and whistling. Scorpius landed next to me. He helped me up and pulled me into a hug.

"How's the body doing?" he asked, keeping me supported with one of his arms wrapped around my waist.

I smiled and waved to the crowd. "My back is on _fucking _fire."

And that's how I ended up getting a piggyback from Scorpius off the pitch, both of us laughing our heads off the entire time.

~O-O~

The first Slytherin party happened a month into school after Slytherin had taken the lead for the house cup. It was the first party I ever went to.

A bunch of 7th years had managed to sneak in beer and Firewhisky. I had never been drunk before and neither had Scorpius so we each decided to have one beer and one shot each.

Three beers and seven shots later and I was on top of the coffee table dancing wildly and belting out the lyrics to the song on the radio. It was the most fun I'd ever had.

I lost Scorpius somewhere in the crowd but I saw him later playing flip cup with some 6th years. He stopped playing when he saw me and he drunkenly screamed my name. He ran over to me and pulled me up onto the couch where we danced for the rest of the night. At one point the crowd was chanting for us to kiss which we found hilarious. We ended up collapsing onto the couch where I clasped my arms around his shoulders and fake made out with him when really I was kissing his neck. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

I woke up the next morning on that same couch while all the other Slytherins were passed out haphazardly around the room. I looked down and realized that Scorpius was fast asleep on top of me. His head was on my chest and one of his fists was clenching around my shirt in his sleep. I smiled, realizing finally what it was like to have a best mate.

~O-O~

"This is probably a really bad idea, right?"

"No, no," said Scorpius, "it's just all for the adventure."

I grinned and threw my arm around his shoulders. I was nervous and excited at the same time.

It's not everyday you get high for the first time.

We met Lucas Van Holden outside the Hufflepuff dorm. Lucas was the school's resident drug dealer, a rep he was actually quite proud of. When he saw Scor and I coming down the hall he burst out laughing.

"You two are the ones I'm selling to?! Merlin, the destructive duo themselves."

I guess our own reputation precedes us.

Scor did the exchange and ten minutes later I found myself sitting on the bridge that crosses part of the Black Lake smoking a joint.

"I don't feel anything," I said impatiently.

"We've only been out here all of five minutes," said Scorpius taking another drag and pulling a face. "Merlin, this doesn't taste very good, does it."

And for some reason I found that to be the funniest thing anyone had ever said. I rolled backwards and roared with laughter until my ribs hurt and I had tears in my eyes. When I finally regained some control and sat up, Scor was giving me a very amused look.

"I think you feel it now, Al."

And then we were both laughing.

A little while later everything felt weird but it was a good feeling. I felt happy and relaxed. Scorpius and I were dangling our legs off the edge of the bridge and for some reason we were holding hands.

Scorpius looked up at the dark sky where clouds were veiling the moon. "What do you think that cloud looks like?"

"Suspended water and ice particles," I deadpanned. Scorpius sighed and laughed at the same time.

"Merlin, we're stoned."

And then very quickly his mood changed and he was suddenly sad and almost angry.

"Fuck, Al!" he yelled. "I'm 14 years old and I still haven't god damn kissed anyone yet! That's really sad!"

His shoulders slumped and for some reason his depressed expression made me lean over and kiss him right on the lips.

Neither of us moved. We didn't even make out. We just kissed for about five seconds before I pulled away and grinned. Scorpius looked stunned.

~O-O~

"_Shh_, stop being so loud!"

"Duude, shushing me won't make this quieter!"

"Oh my god, I'm going to jelly legs jinx you so hard you will become-"

I would never find out what I would become from Scorpius's jelly legs jinx because as we turned a corner sneaking back to the Slytherin common room, we walked right into someone.

_It's a teacher. Holy shit we're done for, _was all I could think of. I slowly looked up.

_Oh no._

"What the hell are you two doing?" James demanded. _Even worse._

"We're… nothing just… chilling… yeah," said Scorpius. James's eyes narrowed.

"Are you guys… stoned?" When we said nothing, James's burst out laughing. "Oh man, this is too good. Okay, get the fuck back to your common room before a teacher finds you."

We ran off as fast as our high little legs could take us. Scorpius stopped me right outside the common room entrance.

"Mate, you know what I just realized?" he asked.

"What?"

"You were my first kiss."


	6. Chapter 5

_The Year Everything Was Different_

By the time I started 5th year, everything had changed. In some ways it had changed for the better but not in all ways.

I spent the summer with Scorpius doing real teenager things. We made fake ID's and went to muggle clubs. We hooked up with girls. We got black out drunk. We smoked pot. That was the good part.

The bad part was that I quickly got bored of the girls. I danced with them and hung out with them but at the end of the night I realized that the only reason I would want to see them again would be as friends. I was confused by this for so long. Why wouldn't I want to date them? It never occurred to me why I wasn't attracted to them in that way until the very end of the summer.

Scorpius and I were in the attic of some girl's house. Her name was Karen and she was very nice. We'd met her out clubbing a few days before. Her and her friends were muggles and had no idea we were wizards of course. There were empty bottles of vodka and rum all around the floor and all of us were smashed.

We were all at the point in drunkenness where we wanted to do something stupid. What we decided on was dare or dare. I was up for it. There were 7 girls in all plus Scorpius and I. We were about to begin when another girl walked up the steps to the attic. Behind her was the best looking guy I'd ever seen (years later I would realize that he still had nothing on Scorpius).

They were both already drunk and willing to play. The game started out normally enough. I yelled something inappropriate at a couple walking down the street. Scorpius had to rap a muggle song that almost made me cry it was so funny. One of the girls had to take her shirt off for awhile.

When it came back to my turn and I was dared to kiss the guy whose name I had discovered was Anders, I didn't think it was a big deal.

Kiss a guy? Whatever. Kiss him for 30 seconds? No problem. Make sure to stick my tongue down his throat? Why not.

Anders looked at the girl he'd come in with who it turns out was his girlfriend. She gave him a thumbs up and giggled. He crawled over to me. One of the girls started counting and then we were kissing.

It felt different from every other kiss I'd ever had. It was rougher of course and his lips felt different than girls' lips did but it was good. _Really good_. I didn't even need to remember that part of the dare was to get my tongue in his mouth.

I wanted to do it.

When the time was up and he pulled away, Anders just grinned like it was nothing. I laughed, pretending it was nothing too, when really it had changed everything.

After that I didn't hook up with anyone else for the rest of the summer. I couldn't deal with it. What would my parents think? What would the world think? What would Scorpius think?

But more importantly what did I think.

~O-O~

For once I was excited when September 1st came. This was our O.W.L's year and I was hoping that the extra work would distract me from… myself.

The year started out fine, awesome even. Reyn had us working twice as much because this was his last year at Hogwarts and he really wanted the Quidditch Cup that had been stolen from us in the final match of the season last year by Gryffindor (something James would never let us forget).

But even school and quidditch couldn't distract me enough. My grades were higher than they'd ever been but there was an unfortunate side effect to that; I became smart enough that I didn't need to study as much or practice spells as often. I now had more free time and that scared the shit out of me.

So I flatly refused to let that happen. I read strange muggle novels and refused to ever be alone. Scorpius seemed to be okay with me rarely leaving him on his own. I don't think he liked to be alone to his thoughts either. My theory is that we both think too hard, focusing on small things that will one day be insignificant. Sometimes I'll watch him sitting alone. He'll be studying or reading and then he'll look up and his gaze will shift out of focus. Sometimes he'll stare out of windows for minutes without moving. I never did ask what he thought about.

Things started to get bad in January. Everything was going fine until someone I would only meet once just had to walk into my life and fuck it all up. It was January 7th, I remember because it was Reyn's birthday and a couple of us got really stoned behind the greenhouse. I went to muggle studies and slid into a seat in the back. It actually took me a surprisingly long time to realize that I was not in the right class and that my muggle studies lesson was the one after this 4th year class. It was mortifying but I was high so it was hilarious.

I was laughing silently with my sweater stuffed in my mouth to keep quiet when someone lightly tapped me on the arm.

"You alright there, mate?"

I turned in surprise and found the most beautiful man smirking at me in amusement. He had wavy brown hair and big blue eyes and when he smiled he had dimples.

Fucking dimples.

I opened my mouth to say something suave and normal but what I ended up said was, "Merlin's pants you're gorgeous."

The guy's eyebrows shot up under his fringe. I should have been embarrassed but then again, I was absolutely baked.

"Are you high?" asked the guy as if on cue. I grinned somewhat maniacally.

"As a kite."

The guy peeked at the teacher to make sure she wasn't looking before leaning over and whispering very close to my ear. "Hello, Albus Potter, I'm Daniel McQueen."

I stuck out my hand. "Hi, Daniel, I'm Albus Potter- oh shit, you already said that."

Daniel laughed quietly, flashing me those goddamn dimples again, and shook my hand. When we let go his hand dropped down to rest on my thigh.

"Albus," he whispered, looking up at me through his eyelashes. "July 7th is my birthday which makes today my half birthday."

"Uh huh," I nodded.

"And for my half birthday present I would really like to kiss you."

"Uh huh."

And that's how I ended up making out with Daniel McQueen in the shadows at the back of muggle studies.

~O-O~

After that _little incident _I wish I could say I accepted everything and it was all good again and everyone lived happily ever after in magical perfect land. What really happened is I freaked the fuck out, started smoking chronic, temporarily became an alcoholic before finally losing my virginity in a very non-idyllic way. It was not pretty.

By mid February I was a perfect student with great grades and suspiciously red eyes throughout the day and a drunk, stumbling mess every night. I didn't hook up with another guy because I had decided that the best way to avoid it would be to ignore it!

Scorpius could see something was wrong of course but as my best friend I think he realized that I was in no way ready to talk about it. I somehow managed to keep up my grades (for the life of me I have no idea how I did it) so I think Scor stayed back because I at least wasn't messing up my future by flunking everything.

We had a crucial quidditch game at the end of March. Hufflepuff had somehow managed to flatten Ravenclaw in their last match which meant that we need to destroy them so they couldn't clinch a spot for the cup.

At this point Scorpius had finally had enough. An important match of a very dangerous game was about to start and I was stoned.

I was standing with my broom about to go out onto the pitch (I was blinking like crazy and trying to take calming breaths) when Scorpius came up beside me.

"This has got to stop, Albus."

I wished he'd yelled at me or hit me because seeing his disappointed face was worse than anything else. I opened my mouth to deny it or say something I'd probably end up regretting but I faltered seeing the sad look in his pale grey eyes.

"Yeah, I know," I said. My eyes began to sting and I rubbed them furiously.

"You're killing yourself, Albus," said Scorpius, gently touching my arm. "You've been slowly killing yourself for weeks and I'm scared that you'll actually do it today. I don't want to see you die or take someone down with you."

A whistle blew and the team started to file out onto the pitch. I started to hyperventilate.

"Oh fuck, Scor, oh fuck. I don't think I can do this."

"You have to," said Scorpius, leaving me and walking out onto the pitch. "You brought this on yourself."

The game lasted all of four minutes. With Scor's words ringing in my mind, I looked for the snitch like I never had before. If I killed somebody besides myself because of how stupid I am, I could never live with myself. So I pulled it together long enough to catch the snitch out of the air and watch the emerald and silver spectators erupt into cheers. By the time my teammates had landed and the crowd had merged onto the pitch, I was already gone.

That night we had a victory party in the Slytherin common room. There were people everywhere, from all houses. Everyone was so close. I had never felt what it was like to feel claustrophobic before.

I grabbed a bottle of Firewhisky from the table. I drained half of it in one go. Some people cheered me on because they thought I just wanted to have fun.

Honestly I don't remember much of that night. I danced and grinded with him and we kissed secretly under the dim lights. I let him drag me across the common room to the boys' stairs. I kissed him as we climbed, my hands creeping under his shirt and his hands grabbing my waist.

I remember slamming the door closed behind me and tearing off my shirt. Someone was laughing. After that I can only remember glimpses. There was a bed and bare skin and the greatest feeling in the world.

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone in bed and still very much naked. I opened my eyes and shook my head, trying to rid myself of the killer hangover I had. I groaned very audibly and someone laughed.

"I don't think I've ever been that drunk," said a male voice. My eyes shot open.

A boy was standing across the room putting on sweatpants. He was bare-chested and absolutely covered in love bites.

It was Reyn.

"Oh Merlin," was all I managed to say.

Reyn awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. "I hope you don't hate me. I mean, you were reallywilling. Like _really _willing. "

I sunk back against the headboard of Reyn's bed and groaned, burying my face in my hands.

"I can't believe that happened," I said.

"So you're not mad?"

"At you? No. Me? That's a whole other story."

When I looked back up, Reyn was staring at the ground with the guiltiest face I've ever seen.

"What is it?"

Reyn put on a shirt and walked to the door. He was already out of the room when he turned around.

"I'm sorry, Albus. I'm sorry for everything because… because I _did_ use you."

I sat up straighter. "What do you mean?"

"You don't understand, Al. It's been 7 _fucking _painful years. And you two look alike. I'm sorry, Al. You were the closest to him as I could get."

And then he left, leaving me alone in his bed.

~O-O~

March ended, taking with it the mental person I'd been for the past few weeks. I found Scorpius studying at the back of the library at our table. I walked up to him, struggling with the thing in my arms, and slammed it down in front of him. Scor's eyes flickered up.

"What the _hell _is that?"

I dramatically waved my hands. "What's it look like, dumbass! It's a cake."

"A cake."

"Yes, a cake. It's the French word for an iced dessert given out on birthdays."

"No, it isn't."

I groaned impatiently. "Oh common, Scor! Can't you see I'm trying to apologize here! I've been a shitty friend and a shitty person for a long time and I'm trying to make it up to you!"

Scorpius stared at me for a long time before he sighed tiredly and rolled his eyes. I took that as a good sign.

~O-O~

Scor and I fell back into our old ways. I never smoked again and I never made out random boys at the back of classrooms. I decided not to tell Scor that I was - well, I just kept my discovery to myself.

One morning I was in the bathroom putting in my contacts and wearing nothing but a towel around my waist from my shower. For some reason the left lense was being an absolute asshole.

"Fuck you, motherfucker. Do you hear me, you prick? I will kill your whole family," I growled at the lense. I looked up at the mirror to see Scorpius staring at me wide eyed in the reflection.

"Okay, that's weird," he said.

I grumbled something about murder and dismemberment. Scor came up beside me and shook his freshly showered hair out of his eyes and started brushing his teeth. He too was only wearing a towel.

I went back to poking myself in the eye and was more successful this time. I was about to leave the bathroom when every single one of my other four roommates came into the bathroom. They took one look at Scorpius and myself, both with wet hair and only wearing towels, and they all made the same deduction.

"Had a nice shower, boys?" said Quinn suggestively.

"Bet it was long," said Elian. "_Very _long."

I rolled my eyes. "You guys don't know anything," I said as I wrapped my arms around Scor's waist and rested my chin on his shoulder.

Scorpius laughed. The other boys laughed. And I felt something different.

~O-O~

It started out small and for someone who gets such good grades it took me a surprisingly long time to figure out what it was. After the bathroom incident it happened (I counted) thirteen times within the next three weeks. 21 days for me to realize that Scorpius wasn't just a friend.

One time on the way to the Great Hall for breakfast Scorpius grabbed my hand and loudly pretended in a terrible posh british accent that he was so glad we were married. I burst out laughing but I felt that weird feeling at the pit of my stomach. Almost like…

Two days later James stopped me in the hall to ask if we wanted to go to the next Hogsmeade trip together to pick out something for Lily's birthday. I was about to say yes when Scorpius suddenly came out of nowhere, literally picked me up bridal style and ran away with me screaming, "HE'S GOING WITH HIS BOYFRIEND!" And there it was again. That feeling like…

A week later I went to the library to meet Scor and a bunch of other 5th years for a study session. I got there late and there were no chairs left. I looked around helplessly (something Scorpius would later joke about that I looked like a little lost guinea pig) and made to just sit on the floor when Scor's long arms shot out of nowhere and pulled me onto his lap. I definitely did not blush (okay yes I did). It was fine for the first bit but after about twenty minutes Scorpius apparently got bored because every time I spoke and contributed to the group, Scorpius would bite and kiss my neck.

Bite and kiss.

There were a few raised eyebrows and a few more smirks but not one person seemed to think this was weird.

When we left, Scorpius seemed completely at ease. When I woke up the next morning I had a goddamn lovebite on my neck and a feeling in the pit of my stomach that was like…

The final piece happened just two weeks before out final exams. It was a Friday and the Slytherins had designated tonight to be our one free night where we forget about homework and just relaxed before going back to studying. Joints were passed around, shot glasses were shared and as a group we probably finished 20 bottles of Firewhisky.

I kept myself in check, never again to lose myself too much. I had a few shots and was tipsy enough to not be able to stop smiling. I was also sending Scorpius these little side-glances about every 3 seconds.

Near the end of the night all of us were sitting/lying on the ground in the common room, lazily passing out the Firewhisky and talking about random things. It was nice to have one night to be kids without trying to memorize goblin rebellion dates or the chemical reaction of different potions.

At one point a girl named Emily leant back against the side of the couch and closed her eyes with a content smile on her face. A boy named Sean who everyone knew fancied her for the longest time crawled over to her and kissed her quickly on the lips before sliding back over to his seat. In her drunken state she very slowly realized what had happened and opened her eyes.

"Wait, who kissed me!" she exclaimed before giggling uncontrollably. None of us said anything. She demanded we tell her but Quinn came up with a better idea. We would all kiss her and see if she can guess who it was that kissed her.

Now, being a closet gay teenager in a school where there was lots of discrimination towards different things, I very much did not want to play. So I stupidly opened my mouth and said that she should just be able to know who it was. I guess using intuition or whatever. I only realized later how hard that would actually be.

Everyone then rounded on me and started chirping me, saying that I would never be able to guess who kissed me out of all these people with my eyes closed. I knew I couldn't back out so I cockily grinned and said, "Bring it on."

I closed my eyes and waited patiently. People laughed and whispered around me and there was some shuffling. I tried to guess where the sounds were coming from but too many people were moving.

I suddenly became aware of someone kneeling right in front of me. They were very close to my face and my heart started to pound in my chest. I subconsciously licked my lips and then someone was kissing me.

We didn't make out. It was just a simple kiss and then they were gone. I opened my eyes but I wasn't fast enough. Everyone was sitting exactly where they had been.

People looked at me, challenging my previous statement. I swore.

"Fuck, you were right," I said. "It's not as easy as it looks!"

Everyone laughed at me and I caught Elian's eye. He had smug grin and he looked like he had an evil secret.

"Wait, so… who did kiss me?!"

More laughter. I whipped my head around trying to see who it was and then Scorpius, with the biggest smirk on his face, raised his hand.

I was stunned. We had just kissed and I didn't even know. I… what the fuck.

"No, it wasn't you," I found my mouth saying. "No way."

Scor nodded. "Yup."

"Prove it."

I have no idea where the strange burst of confidence came from (the alcohol, duh, you drunk motherfucker) but I found myself challenging him from across the group.

We smirked at each other while the rest cheered us on. I sat up and Scorpius crawled his way over to me, never breaking eye contact. When we were in front of each other, we both got up on our knees, exactly the same height. His hands found my waist and my hands cupped his face and then we began making out.

It was brilliant. All we had agreed to do was kiss and yet we were hardcore making out like it was the end of the world. People were wolf whistling and cheering. Quinn and Elian were rolling on the floor, laughing so hard that they actually had tears streaming down their faces.

As we were making out, one sentence kept running through my head like a broken record.

_I fancy Scorpius Malfoy._

~O-O~

This is the part where I wished I could say that I pulled him up to our dormitory and we kept kissing and I told him how I felt. He then he told me he felt the same and the next day we walked through the halls of Hogwarts as secret boyfriends.

That did not happen because Scorpius is straight and just likes to have fun.

The next morning it took Scorpius a few minutes to remember what had happened between us. He then burst out laughing and kept saying things about how now we were truly best friends. I laughed and joked with him but the moment he left to have a shower I punched the wall so hard that I broke three knuckles and had to go to the hospital wing. I got it fixed in a second of course and I didn't tell Scorpius about it.

For the two weeks leading up to exams, in front of people it was as if nothing had changed. Scorpius and I joked about it. The rest of the Slytherins thought it was all just a game and didn't think anything of it. Even James somehow heard and laughed about it with me.

When I was alone though, everything was different. I was depressed. I couldn't concentrate on anything and I didn't eat. Everything was so fucked now. It felt like I had waited a long time to read the new book in my favorite series and I only got to read the first chapter before it was taken away.

It was frustrating and most of the time I was so angry that it took everything I had to act normal in front of everyone.

Exams finally started. I did fine. I probably could have done better but I just couldn't study for the last few days.

My last exam was History of Magic. The first two hours of the exam went alright. My brain went through the motions and I wrote down answers meticulously. As the time ticked by I found my eyes wandering over to the ice blond head that was sitting a few seats away. When I looked back at my test, everything was messed up.

_ 184. Why was Ireland the last to ban keeping Dragons as Scorpius's?_

_185. In 1687 when the Scorpius's invaded Russia, why did they pretend to be muggles?_

I stared at the page for the rest of the time, not writing a single thing. The moment the exam was done I left the Great Hall first, weaving my way through the desks until I was in the entrance hall. My heart was pounding as I stood there, unmoving, in the hallway. I abruptly turned and walked left until I was standing outside. It was pouring rain and I was soaked in a matter of seconds. I walked across the grass, almost slipping a dozen times on the wet grass. I stopped at the edge of the Black Lake.

What was wrong with me? Why was Scorpius like this… cancer I just couldn't get out of my head.

"Albus!"

I felt like crying. Why? Why did you have to follow me, Scorpius.

He called out to me again but I didn't answer or make any indication that I'd heard him. Suddenly he was behind me, grabbing my shoulder and spinning me around until we were facing each other. He was soaked and shivering but his eyes were fiery.

"What the _hell _is your problem?" he spat. "Why did you run out and why were you ignoring me?" I didn't answer. "Al!" I stared at his lips and tried not to cry. "ALBUS!"

Then I really did start crying. Scorpius stopped looking angry and looked suddenly scared.

"What, what is it?" he demanded. "What did I do wrong, Albus?"

I pressed a wet sleeve over my eyes because I couldn't look at him anymore.

"You didn't do anything wrong!" I cried. "And that's just it. You're all perfect and great and can't… be what I want you to be and I know that's not fair but that's just how it is."

"Al, you're not making sense," said Scorpius gently.

I laughed maniacally. "Nothing makes sense now and it won't ever fix itself! Christ, don't you see?" Scorpius just stared at me blankly. "The kiss, you fucker! The kiss, always the kiss. I can't stop thinking about it."

I stared at the ground as my tears mixed with the rain. Scorpius was silent and I was waiting for it all to click and for him to run away from me, never to come back again.

"Al," Scorpius murmured finally. "Al, look at me."

I slowly looked up and met his cool grey eyes. He didn't look disgusted or horrified or even shocked. We looked at each other for what could have been ten seconds or ten hours, I wouldn't know.

"Kiss me," I whispered.

Scorpius leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I kissed him back until there was no more air.


	7. Chapter 6

_The Year It All Ended_

I stood with my parents and Lily on platform 9 ¾. James had graduated last year and was off adventuring as an auror. My parents were chatting to each other while Lily craned her neck to look over the crowd for her friends. She saw them and kissed my parents quickly before she ran off though the crowd.

"See him, Albus?" asked my dad.

"Not yet."

At 10: 56, a 6'4 blond head made it's way towards me.

"Al!" he yelled, waving. I waved back. My mom grinned and my dad smiled though it was a little bit forced. It was still a bit weird that his son was friends with a Malfoy. Yup, _a friend_.

"Hello, Scorpius!" greeted my mom. She had always liked him.

My dad shook his hand like a champ. "Nice to see you again."

The first whistle blew and my mom started to cry. She reached out and, to the surprise of all of us, pulled Scorpius into a hug.

"You're such a good friend to him," she cried. "I know you'll take care of him."

"Oh, _mum_!"

She let him go and wiped her eyes. "Bye boys, have a good term and come home for Christmas to see me."

"We will," I said, rolling my eyes and dragging Scorpius away by his sleeve.

"Bye!" Scor called politely over his shoulder.

I pulled him onto the train and we both exhaled heavily.

"They're so nice," said Scorpius.

"Shut up, common."

The train started to move as we made our way down the hall, past compartments and students. I waved at Lily and her friends but she ignored her lame older brother. Lorcan and Lysander called out my name and I high fived them. I tried to hurry past the compartment with Rose and Hugo and Lucy but she saw me.

"Al!" she yelled. "Oh, hey Scorpius! Come sit with us, we have space!"

"Sorry, Rose," I said, linking my hand with Scorpius's behind my back. "We're meeting up with some Slytherins so… we'll catch up with you later!"

I pulled Scorpius down the hall, running all the way to the end to the very empty last compartment. We ran in and he closed the door, locking it behind him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him furiously. Scorpius pulled me so close that I didn't know if he would ever let me go. We made out for what felt like ever, still standing, swaying whenever the train went around a curve. Finally I pulled back but kept my arms wrapped around his neck.

"Missed you," I said. Scorpius rolled his eyes.

"Babe, I saw you like, three days ago."

"Whatever, still too long."

Laughing, Scorpius sat down and pulled me onto his lap. I was about to ask what he'd done in my absence but I quickly found my lips otherwise occupied.

~O-O~

The first week back was both good and bad. It was good because I got to see Scorpius all day, everyday. Quidditch was good because now that James and Reyn had both graduated, Slytherin was definitely better than Gryffindor and I had been made team captain.

It was bad because Scorpius and I couldn't walk the streets and hold hands like we'd done in London. Out there we were too goofy teenagers in love. In here we were still the same teenagers in love but no one could see it. We found it increasingly harder to find quiet places to hold hands and make out. Sometimes we'd sneak out and spend the night in the room of requirement or hang back after quidditch to 'work on strategies'.

And it was even worse because there were rumors going around about a revolution against the new order Harry Potter had helped create. They were only rumors, not backed up by facts and nothing strange had been witnessed, but that didn't stop worried parents from sending daily mail to their kids and half hour security lessons from teachers every once in a while. I refused to believe it at first, swearing that there could be no flaws in the new system. Scorpius shared my thoughts but every time we convinced each other we were safe our voices got shakier and quieter.

_We're fine, right? Yeah, we're fine._

~O-O~

"Which one do you need?"

"Red one. Beside the one that seems to be… crying."

"Nice."

It was the last Saturday in October and fall was coming to an end. It was sunny today, probably the last sunny day we'd get for awhile, but I was stuck inside because of a DADA essay. I dragged Scorpius with me even though he'd already finished the essay. I told him I wanted his amazing company but I really needed him to get the book I needed off a shelf that was too high for me to reach. The last time I tried to _accio _a book down to me I nearly killed myself in a massive tidal wave of books which was incredibly mortifying.

"Thanks, babe," I said when he handed over the book. I cast a quick look around before pecking him on the lips.

"Wish we didn't have to hide," muttered Scorpius angrily as we made our way back to our study couch.

"I do too but until we pluck up enough courage to tell everybody we just have to deal with this."

Scor grumbled something that sounded like _it's a good thing you're so cute_ before he pushed me down onto the cushions and lay down, placing his head in my lap. It was nice that we'd been so close before so that this sort of stuff wasn't obvious to others.

"You're parents would be cool with me, I'm sure," Scor continued. "I mean, they're both nice, non-judgey people and you are their pride and joy. And your mum loves me. Your dad wouldn't be thrilled that _I'm _your boyfriend but I'm sure he'd come around."

I thought about that for a minute. They would be cool with it, I was pretty confident in that, but actually telling them is a whole other story. Shit, I guess I'd have to tell Lily and James too. James would make fun of me relentlessly (in a brotherly love kinda way) and Lily would get overly excited at the thought of having a gay brother and would tell all her little friends and they would probably just giggle all the time that I was around.

"But what about your parents," I said after awhile. "Think they'd be okay?"

"They barely even know we're friends let alone anything more. And they're always talking about the Malfoy legacy and having it carry on with my kids. They'd go mad if they knew I can't have kids."

"We can adopt kids," I said without thinking. I turned beet red.

Scorpius smirked. "Already talking about kids are we, Albus? What about getting married? Should we do that first? Do you want to marry me, Al?"

"Shut up!" I laughed. I poked him hard in the stomach and he yelped. Sitting up he tried to put me in a chokehold but I jerked backwards, resulting in both of us falling off the couch. We were laughing and wrestling on the carpet when someone cleared their throat.

"Hope I'm not interrupting?"

Scor and I looked up. Rose was standing a few feet away looking expectant with a small blond girl standing next to her. At least I think it was Rose. Scorpius had me pinned underneath him so I was looking at them upside down.

"Oh, hello, Rose," said Scor politely, getting off me and pulling me up so that we were both sitting up on the ground. The blond girl eyes shone as she looked at my boyfriend. Jealousy burned through me like fire.

"Hey, Scorpius, Albus," said Rose. "Guys, this is my friend Ellis."

"Hi, Scorpius," said Ellis very fast. I noticed that she forgot about me completely.

Scorpius looked somewhat surprised but greeted her nonetheless. They had a small conversation but I was too busy death glaring the girl that I didn't hear a word they were saying. The girl eventually said a demure goodbye and ran off, leaving Rose behind.

Once the girl was out of earshot Rose said, "I've been dying for you to meet her for the _longest _time and she finally agreed to do it today."

I was slow on the uptake. "Wait, are you trying to like... set her up with Scorpius?"

Rose nodded. More fire.

"What about me? Why didn't you try to set her up with me?"

"Because you're hopeless, Al. You'll probably be alone forever. Scorpius here still has a shot though."

Scorpius threw me a smug smile and I flipped him off.

"She barely even looked at me," I said bitterly.

"Ya well, no one cares about you, Al," said Rose.

"Hey!"

Rose grinned and blew me a kiss. I tried to kick her but she was too fast and jumped out of the way.

Scor just laughed. "I care about you." To prove it he leaned over and grabbed my face, planting a huge wet kiss on my cheek. I squealed in a very unmanly fashion and rubbed my face onto his sleeve to wipe it away.

"Maybe there's your problem, Al," said Rose. "If you stop looking like you and Scorpius are secretly doing each other you'd get more dates. Or any dates at all."

With one more evil grin, Rose turned and walked away through the towering bookshelves. I sat up and cupped a hand to my mouth.

"Scorpius and I _are _secretly doing each other!" I called after her.

"Uh huh!"

"He's mindblowingly good in bed!"

"Whatever you say, Al!"

I huffed and sat back down. Scorpius leaned over slowly until he was right in front of me.

"So… am I mindblowingly good in bed?"

"Yes, now shut up and help me pack up my things."

He did and when we were leaving the library he said, "You weren't jealous of the Ellis girl were you?"

"Me? Of course not," I lied.

It must have been very unconvincing because Scorpius pinched my cheeks and awwwwwed very long and very loudly. It was good he _was_ so mindblowingly good in bed or I would have left him right there for being so incessantly annoying.

_No, you wouldn't have, Al. You could never leave him._

_By choice. _

~O-O~

Above the astronomy room there's a small balcony that overlooks the black lake. It used to be used for final exams so that the constellations and planets were easier to see but the weather and the lack of safety precautions ended those outdoor learning sessions. James told me about it a few years ago. Someone had told him about it and he would bring girls up there for dates and, if the weather was nice, a bit of dot dot dot. I never used to have a use for it until now. I brought Scorpius up there on a cold Wednesday night in November. I set it up before with blankets and pillows and magic always-lit candles. It wasn't until both of us were out there did I blush and realize how lame it was.

"You are such a dork," said Scorpius as he looked around. His mouth was open and he looked amazed but that still didn't stop me from feeling immensely embarrassed.

"I'm immensely embarrassed," I voiced.

"Don't be. I love it."

We curled up on the cold stone floor and wrapped ourselves in blankets. I leant against Scorpius and he wrapped his arms around me. It started to snow and if someone were to be sitting behind us with a camera, we would look like a postcard.

_Greetings from Hogwarts' favorite closeted gay couple!_

"Never in a million years could I have seen this," I said. "All of it. You. A Malfoy. A guy."

"Is it better or worse than what you imagined." I looked over at Scorpius and his face was hard set like he thought there was a chance I may actually say I wished my life wasn't like this.

"What do you think," I said in a tone that said _obviously better, you dumbass_. To prove it I leaned over and touched his cheek with my hand, bringing his face over to mine. I pressed my lips to his and I knew then that I would never grow tired of this.

Scorpius pulled back and slipped his hand into mine under the blanket.

"I wished for this, you know," he said. "I never thought it would happen but I wanted it everyday since I turned twelve."

Okay, _that _was news to me.

"_Twelve_? I – hold up… what?"

"Why do you think I was so incredibly fucked up in second year? I had my dad's pressure screaming at me from every side and just to make things that much more complicated I realized that I didn't like girls how I should and that Albus Potter's arse looked really good in quidditch robes."

I punched him in the arm. "Why-" I punched him again. "Didn't-" Punch. "You-" Punch. "Tell-" Punch. "Me-".

He grabbed my wrist. "Same reason you didn't tell me until the end of fifth! I was scared and… awkward and I didn't know how you would react."

I held up a hand. "So all that time we were kinda mates in third and then best friends in fourth… you fancied me?"

"No, I didn't fancy you." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I was pretty much completely in love with you and I wanted nothing more than to rip your clothes off and shag you right there."

I buried my face in his chest and laughed quietly. "Didn't know I was so desirable."

"It's the hair. It has a permanent post-sex messiness look to it."

"I love you."

I don't know what made me blurt it out like that. I'd known it for awhile but I never said it aloud. Scorpius looked at me and I couldn't read his expression.

And then I was on my back and Scorpius was on top of me, kissing the hell out of my lips. When ever he came up for air he would say it, _I love you Albus, I love you Albus_, over and over again. To me, those four words were goddamn Shakespeare.

Later when we were packing up because were both falling asleep and it was too cold to stay the night, Scorpius held up a camera.

"One for the books," he said.

He held the camera backwards and pointed it at us. I closed my eyes and kissed him on the cheek while he smiled cheekily. The camera flashed.

_Smile, Albus. Remember this moment. Even when he can't, you have to._

~O-O~

I brought Scorpius home for the Christmas holidays. His parents were vacationing in Hawaii and told him to make other arrangements. Scorpius said he was okay with them going without him because he preferred to stay here with me but I could tell he was upset that he didn't even get an invite.

Lily was glad Scorpius was going to be at ours for the entire sixteen days. The two of them had become pretty close when she had discovered that Scorpius has a vast knowledge of dolphins. Random, I know. Lily had a strange obsession with them and annually made the family watch the discovery channel specials on them. I've never even been in the ocean before.

The first few days back were mostly spent in the living room in front of the fireplace. I played video games while Scor read all those damn books he's always filling his head with. We started playing this game where we would see how many times we could kiss without being caught. It was fun and scary and we were damn well good at it because we've had so much practice.

On the third night, we were having a real dinner at the dining room table, not in the kitchen. We used real china. And cloth napkins. It was so formal. I guess my mum really wanted to impress Scorpius.

We had a full pot roast meal and I swear to god it felt like I was bringing the boyfriend home for the first time to meet the parents. Except he's already met them and they don't actually know we're dating.

Oops. I don't really do things right, do I.

Halfway through the meal the conversation turned to Hogwarts and our social lives. Lily took up most of the time, talking about all her friends and her current boyfriend. Scorpius kicked me under the table and jerked his head towards my dad. Harry's face grew more and more tight at the talk of Lily and _booooys_. I wondered if it was boys in general or just being with his little girl. I briefly wondered what he would look like if I blurted out I LIKE MEN, TOO really loudly.

Haha.

"So, Al," said my mum, pulling me back into the conversation. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"No," I said, "but I do have my eye on someone. They're way out of my league though."

Scorpius hid his smirk behind his cloth napkin.

"Nonsense," said my dad. "You're smart and nice and amazingly good looking like me, all the girls must be after you."

I just rolled my eyes.

"So what about you, Scorpius?" said mum. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Actually," said Scorpius. "I'm gay."

I spasmed so bad that I managed to spill my glass of water down my shirt while simultaneously spraying the table with mashed potatoes.

You could hear a pin drop. No one said anything and all eyes were on Scorpius. He looked calm but the redness creeping up his neck told me otherwise.

My head snapped around to look at my family. My dad looked shocked, my mum look surprised (maybe pleasantly?) and Lily was doing nothing to close her mouth that had fallen completely open.

Meanwhile I sat there wanting nothing more than to melt through the carpet and never resurface until everyone in this room had died.

Finally Lily scooped some peas into her mouth and said, "Lots of bottlenose dolphins are gay."

The tension broke. My mom grinned, her eyes crinkling, and said, "And that's wonderful, dear." My dad smiled a real smile, not forced like it used to be, and said, "Can you pass me the pepper, Scorpius?"

Scorpius let out a small sigh of relief that only I heard. Everything went back to normal and no one acted weird or yelled or threw anybody out of the house. Everyone was perfectly happy.

Except for me.

When dinner was done and my mum refused Scorpius's offer to help with the dishes like she'd done every night, I excused us and all but forced Scorpius up the stairs and into my room. Once we were inside and the door was closed and I had cast a quick _muffliato_, Scorpius was bouncing around and fist pumping.

"Holy fuck!" he said. "Merlin, I am SO pumped. That was… crazy! Fuck, I have so much adrenaline right now! I - Al, what's wrong?"

He had turned around and caught sight of my face. I was furious. I turned around and punched the wall, _hard_, probably rebreaking my knuckles from my last wall punching experience.

"What were you thinking!" I cried. "Why the _fuck _did you tell them!?"

"Christ, calm down, Al. I realized that you are the only other person who knows about me and I dunno. I wanted there to be more people so I just told them. I didn't out you or anything so calm down."

"But you practically did out me!" I yelled, pushing him harshly. I didn't do it too hard, just enough for him to stumble back and look hurt. "I spend every goddamn minute with you! You who is gay! It's not hard to put two and two together!"

Scorpius sat down on my bed and looked deeply upset. "You can be friends with someone who is gay without being gay yourself, Al."

"But look at the other things!" I cried. "Let's do the math, shall we? I don't have a girlfriend + I've never had one X my total lack of interest in girls compared to James whose room is positively _covered _in posters of girls / the amazingly good looking gay guy I'm practically glued at the hip to = gay as the fourth of July!"

Scorpius bowed his head and ran his hand through his hair.

"Is this what you wanted?" I asked. "Did you want to come out so that I would have to? Make me come out so that we could hold hands at the dinner table and not have to wait for people to leave the room to kiss?"

Scorpius was up so fast that I swore he apparated. "I would _never _do that, Al. I promise." He got quiet. "Is that what you think? That I would force you to say it when you weren't ready?"

"Don't turn this back on me!" I spat. "But if this is what you want than fuck it! Let's go tell my parents right now!"

"Al."

I was almost in hysterics.

"No, common, let's go! It's what you want and as your boyfriend I want to give you everything so let's go tell them!"

I grabbed him by the hand and threw open my door, pulling him towards the stairs.

"Al, please _please _stop-"

I ignored him and brought him all the way to the kitchen where my parents were drinking tea and talking quietly. They looked up and knew something was wrong. I waved at them almost maniacally.

"Oh, hey! Hey, mum and dad, it's me, Al, your son. So, Scor here just came out to you guys so, you know, why don't I do it too! Yeah, I'm gay and I'm in love with Scorpius who is my boyfriend and we've been fucking each other since the end of fifth! Okay?! Great, glad we talked this out!"

I dragged Scorpius from the kitchen before my parents could say anything and went into the living room where I knew Lily was. She was gawking at us. I guess I was being pretty fucking loud!

"Hey, Lils!" I yelled. "So didja hear that? Yup, I'm gay, I like men. Scorpius and I are dating! Have a _great _night!"

Yanking on Scorpius's sleeve I stormed all the way back up the stairs and into my room. I closed the door and looked at Scorpius.

He was crying.

A million different emotions hit me at the same time and I turned away, unable to look at him.

"Do you feel better now, Albus?" Scorpius asked thickly. "Is this how you wanted to do it?"

"No," I whispered honestly.

I sat down right there on the floor and burst into tears. Scorpius sat down beside me and I latched my arms around his neck and cried until my eyes were dry and his shirt was stained.

"What did I just do," I whispered.

"You just came out to your family in a rather horrifying manner," said Scorpius bluntly.

"I'm so sorry," I muttered against his neck. "You would never make me come out if I didn't want to. I know that but I just forgot."

Scorpius held me and told me it was okay. I never wanted to forget the feeling of Scorpius holding me in his arms. I was fucked, he was perfect but somehow, together, we worked better than anything.

~O-O~

Christmas day was… interesting. The morning went fine. Gifts were giving out as well as uncomfortable glances between my parents and myself. Our resolve had just been to build a bridge over my outburst and pretend it never happened, though not forgetting the knowledge that came out of it of course. It was a large bridge. An awkward bridge. It was taken down once when James came home because I felt very weird that he was out of the loop. Then we rebuilt the bridge out of marble, never again to be taken down.

Why am I talking about bridges?

Anyways, that night we all went to the burrow to have a large family dinner. Scorpius and I both apparated there proudly as we'd passed our tests before the break. There were five Potters, too many Weasley's to count and a single Malfoy. He stuck out but everyone was gracious about it and didn't say anything. After dinner the adults pulled out the Firewhisky and, well there's no way else to put it really. They all got very, very drunk.

They were so drunk that they eventually ditched us to go party outside and they didn't even notice us youths steal the remaining Firewhisky and get drunk ourselves. It was great.

We blasted music and danced and sang (horribly in my case) and all my cousins warmed up to Scorpius. James did take Scorpius away for a bit and I was terrified he was going to beat him up or something until Scorpius came back grinning. He whispered in my ear that James had given him the 'older brother' talk. _Hurt him and I kill you, break his heart and I kill you blah blah blah. _James was treating Scorpius like he was truly a part of the family already.

But being part of the family means that the _whole_ family needs to accept him into the family as what he truly is, not as just my best friend. So right in the middle of the living room, with all my cousins watching, I grabbed Scorpius by his shirt and kissed him right on the mouth. He didn't kiss me back at first because, well basically he was shocked out of his mind, but then he relaxed and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing me back. When we pulled away there was one happy look (Lily), one taken aback look (James) and about fifteen looks that were either a) awestruck, b) shocked, c) terrified, d) confused, e) all of the above. No one was disgusted or against it so I took that as a damn good thing.

~O-O~

On the last day of holidays, Scorpius and I decided to go into London for the day. Scorpius didn't want to go in but I needed a new jacket and Scorpius can never refuse me.

We were walking around the shops, waiting for one I liked. Our hands were entwined together and we got a few looks but no one said anything to us.

As we walked, Scorpius was talking about quidditch.

"The Magpies are, obviously, gonna win the series this year. Their ending last year was, admittedly, disappointing but this year is different."

"I thought we were talking about statistics," I said. "You're biased. The Magpies are your favorite team."

"Maybe, but we traded Henderson for Griffin who is _way _better of course."

We turned down a side alley to cut through to Main. It was very quiet.

"Which team was Henderson from again?" I asked.

"Falmouth Falcons but he was always overshadowed by Cartwright who was such a quafflehog and never- ALBUS, LOOKOUT!"

Scorpius grabbed me by my jacket and threw me onto the ground as the first spell hit the wall I'd just been walking by. I landed hard on the ground with Scorpius on top of me, acting as a shield.

"Look what we have here," said a cruel, deep voice. "Harry Potter's son. Fancy meeting you here."

A man walked over. He was tall and bearded and had small, dark eyes. His wand was in his hand.

"What do you want," I spat. Scorpius and I were now beside each other on the ground, gripping at each other from behind our coats.

"Wands please," he said gently, holding out his hand.

I didn't move. I peeked at Scorpius out of the corner of my eye as if to say _two on one?_ The man seemed to expect this because no fewer than four other men came out from around the corner. Scorpius and I gave him our wands which he placed on a trashcan beside the opposite wall.

I braced myself for death because I didn't know what else to do. I could feel Scorpius looking at me but I couldn't look back. The man held his wand and I waited for that flash of green light that would end everything.

But it didn't come. Instead the man signaled and the four other men came forward. They approached us and basically kicked the living crap out of us. Two one me, two one Scorpius.

It was not pretty. One took care of my face, punching me over and over again until I saw stars and had to spit out blood and teeth so I could breathe. The other went for the rest, kicking me until my ribs were broken and my arm was broken. When they were done I crawled over to Scorpius to make sure he was alive. He was but in no better shape than me.

I could hear the men talking quietly and, though I tried not to think about it, I was sure they were planning on how to finish us off. I wiped blood out of my eyes and slipped my hand into Scorpius's.

The leader came back over. His hands were clean, figuratively and metaphorically. He leaned down to my level.

"Say hi to your dad for me." He looked down at mine and Scorpius's clasped hands. "Cute."

And then they were gone. The leader apparated first and then one by one we were alone again.

"Are you okay?" Scorpius asked, his voice shaking and full of fear.

"No."

I stood up slowly and helped him up. His leg was definitely broken so I helped him over to where our wands had been left. I stuffed them both in my pocket and, keeping a firm grip on the person whose life matters more to me than my own, I apparated up both back to my house.

When the spinning stopped I collapsed to the ground, keeping Scorpius safely on top of me. My mum heard the noise and ran out of the living room.

"Al, is that you? I thought I heard-"

She stopped dead and stared at us for a moment, taking in our bloody, broken and bruised bodies. And then she started screaming.

My dad was down the stairs in a second and evaluated the situation in record-breaking auror time. He ran to me but I begged him to help Scorpius first. Scorpius couldn't protest because he had lost consciousness.

My dad worked on him while my mom did what she could on me. She didn't have the training or was as calm in the moment but it helped. When my dad said Scorpius was going to be alright and that he'd done all he could for now, I let out a breath of relief and promptly passed out.

When I came around I was lying on the couch with my head in Scor's lap while he laughed with my mum and drank hot chocolate with a shot of Firewhisky. It was a very strange sight.

I sat up slowly, testing everything out. Face was fine, teeth were back, ribs were unbroken, arm was in place and other than feeling genuinely sore, I was okay. Scorpius looked at me with the happiest smile and, not caring that my parents were in the room, leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back until awkward Harry cleared his throat and asked the big question.

"What happened and who the fuck did this to you two."

We told them everything. Actually my voice kept faltering so Scorpius said most of it. When we were done and my mom was reeling from the cryptic greeting to my dad from the leader, my dad stood up.

"I'm going to the office," he said. And then he grabbed his coat and left without another word.

He didn't come back that night nor was he there to see us off the next morning. He assigned two aurors to take us with mum to the train station the next morning. My mum wanted to keep us home but Hogwarts is the safest place in the world.

Right?

~O-O~

I was jumpy and skittish for the next month, waking up in the middle of the night with nightmares and cringing from loud noises. I finally calmed down after Quinn and Elian found out Scor's secret and mine.

It was embarrassing but it was funny and I hadn't laughed like that in awhile. It was mid February and we were about to play a match against Hufflepuff. The game was about to start and the team was waiting at the entrance to the changeroom, about to be called out. Scor and I were umm- well, keeping busy in the back of the showers. We were hastily putting our robes back on in the dark when Quinn called us out. We ran out to find Quinn and Elian waiting for us.

"Where the _hell _have you two been for the past 20 minutes?! The game's about to start and you are our bloody captain, Al!" yelled Elian.

"Sorry, sorry."

"Common, hurry up," said Quinn. "We're about to be- hang on, are you two wearing each other's robes?"

My eyes grew wide and Scor froze while putting on his gloves. There was a tense moment where we all looked at each other before I leaned back and got a look of the name stitched into the back of Scor's jersey; _Potter_.

"Oh, shit," I said.

It was a simultaneous reaction. Quinn and Elian's faces both sported the most brilliant grins I have ever seen and they had an epic, jumping high five."

"I KNEW IT!" shouted Elian. "I FUCKING KNEW IT!"

They jumped around in circles holding hands and laughing while Scor and I quickly switched robes.

"Do not speak of this to anyone!" said Scor. "Merlin, you two are immature…"

We left them there and ran off to where the other players were waiting, looking confused. I shook my head and marched forward, leading the team onto the pitch.

We won the game, but only just. Quinn and Elian could barely concentrate and after the match I hexed them so bad that they couldn't walk properly for days. _Wankers_.

~O-O~

It was 1:30 at night before I burst into the common room looking absolutely livid. Everyone had LONG GONE TO BED BECAUSE IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE BLOODY NIGHT except for me and Scor who was sitting peacefully (not for long) on the couch reading a muggle novel.

"I AM GOING TO AVADA KEDAVRA YOU SO HARD THAT EVEN YOUR MOTHER WILL FEEL IT."

Scorpius calmly marked the page in his book and looked up. "My mother will feel it? How does that work?"

I glared and flipped him off. "I left here at 9 AM and I'm just getting back now! And it's a Saturday! The day I usually sleep in till noon on!"

Scor just smiled.

"WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE." He didn't. "AND HERE ARE YOUR FUCKING ROSES!"

I held them out and made to throw them at him but thought better of it considering what I had done to get them. I angrily shoved them into his hand and threw myself down dramatically beside him on the couch.

"These are lovely, thank you, Albus."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP."

Scorpius was trying not to laugh.

"Do you know what I had to do to get these?!" I screamed, now back on my feet. "So first I went down to Hogsmeade like a good boyfriend to get you the damn flowers you wanted. Also what 17 year old boy, I guess 18 now because IT'S ONE FUCKING THIRTY IN THE MORNING, wants flowers for his birthday?! So the florist in Hogsmeade doesn't have white roses so me, ever the optimist, apparated to Diagon Alley to try there! But oh! They're closed for renovations! So I went out into London and no one is fucking selling them because it's not in season! SO THEN I HAD TO FUCKING APPARATE TO AUSTRALIA BECAUSE THEY HAVE PERPETUAL SUMMER OR WHATEVER! SO SCOR I REALLY HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING HAPPY!"

Scorpius was grinning at me. I was still panting from my rant. Finally I took off my coat and sat back down beside him. I lay my head on his shoulder.

"Aw, shit," I said.

"Get it?" asked Scor. His voice held way too much amusement.

"Fuck. I am so whipped."

~O-O~

Ever since the battle of Hogwarts, May the 2nd has become and international wizard holiday. Diagon Alley shuts down, lessons are cancelled and basically we all just sit around and toast Harry Potter all day long. But the night before. Now that's the real party. It has become like a second New Year's Eve. We party at night on May 1st and then count down until midnight.

This year's party was perfect. The Slytherin common room was packed with people from every house because just for this one night we were all on the same side. There was alcohol and dancing and strobe lights and Scorpius. _Scorpius Scorpius Scorpius. _We were close to each other and dancing to the music. We weren't being very subtle but everyone was too drunk to notice.

Finally it was 11:59 and everyone began counting when it got down to _ten_.

I grabbed Scorpius's hand and pulled him through the crowd.

_Nine._

We passed Elian and Quinn who were hammered and had their arms around each other.

_Eight._

They started yelling when they saw us and they pointed at us and winked suggestively.

_Seven._

I rolled my eyes and pulled Scorpius away and over towards the dormitory staircase.

_Six._

Catching on, Scorpius ran up ahead of me until he was out of sight from the common room.

_Five._

I followed and stopped a few steps below him. His smile positively glowed.

_Four._

"I love you," I whispered.

_Three._

"I love you more than anything," said Scorpius.

_Two._

Scor took a step down until he was only one above me.

_One._

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and leaned up, kissing him, as the crowd at the bottom of the stairs screamed and clapped. And for a second I imagined that they were cheering for us and in that moment, nothing had ever been more perfect.

~O-O~

It was June and we were a week away from final exams when I got the letter. At first I couldn't even recognize my dad's handwriting on the front because it was shaky and scrawled like he'd been on a damn boat when he wrote it. The only conclusion was that Harry Potter was nervous.

I slid open the letter and read the smallest note my dad had ever sent me.

_Things are bad. Coming to the school tomorrow._

_Don't do anything stupid._

_Stay close to Scorpius._

_Dad _

That was it. But it was all that was needed to scare the hell out of me.

"What is it?" asked Scorpius, taking one look at my face and knowing something was wrong. I shoved the letter into his hands. His eyes moved fast as he read the letter twice.

"Fuck."

I nodded. "Yeah."

Later that night, when I lay curled up against Scorpius in his bed, I couldn't help but feel like this is the end. Something was going to happen and Scorpius and I would spend the rest of our lives trying to get over it.

"It'll be okay, right?" I said. "No one's gonna get hurt?"

Scor kissed my temple. "Harry Potter is coming tomorrow. He's practically god. We're all gonna be fine, Al."

I laughed. "Thanks. And I don't think I say it enough but I love you, Scorpius."

Scorpius was instantly serious. "Don't say that. Don't you dare say that that we're gonna die."

"I just need you to know," I whispered.

"I know, Al. I know."

I was woken up a few hours later to the sound of frantic footsteps and Scor shaking me awake.

"Al, something's happened. We have to get out of here."

I rolled over, rubbing my eyes and trying to get my brain to react.

"Is my dad here?" I asked.

"It's five in the morning. He's not here yet, Al."

Scorpius pulled me out of bed and threw me jeans and a t-shirt. I pulled them on and put on my glasses. No time for contacts. Scor grabbed my hand and lead me down the stairs as an explosion made the ground shake.

"What the _hell_ was that."

Scor kept pulling me towards the door. We made it through seconds before there was another explosion and part of the roof in the common room caved in. We ran down the hall, each meter as long as a mile.

We made it to the first floor where students were grouped together, most wearing pajamas and all looking terrified. There were a few prefects who were trying to organize them but it was clear that even they didn't know what was happening.

Scor gripped my hand tight. "Don't leave me."

"I won't," I said. "I promise."

Lily rushed by and I grabbed her arm.

"Lily, what the fuck is going on."

She looked at me with eyes that told me that dad had sent her a letter too.

"Someone's trying to get in," was all she said before she disappeared into the crowd of people.

I tried to call after her but the biggest explosion yet rattled the castle and sent some people crashing to the floor.

No one moved. We waited in silence until there was an ear splitting noise and the entire entrance hall collapsed.

It was chaos. People were screaming and running in every direction. Some people had their wands out but no one knew what to do. Scorpius grabbed my hand and pulled me away.

"We have to move," he said.

We ran through the crowd and towards the main staircase. I could hear people screaming behind me. _Don't look back, Albus. Don't look back._

Only when we made it to the top of the stairs did we turn around. Coming in through the entrance grounds were hundreds of men and women, dressed in black and firing curses in every direction. As I watched, more kept pouring in and I couldn't see an end to their numbers.

There was another explosion and I was thrown backwards. Everything became dark and my head began to throb. But most importantly, I was no longer holding Scorpius's hand.

"SCORPIUS!" I screamed. I stood up and looked everywhere but he was nowhere to be seen.

I turned around and found a terrifying man standing in front of me with his wand outstretched. Without even thinking, I hexed him and ran past without even waiting to see him fall.

_I need to find him. I promised._

I kept running. Spells were flying everywhere and bodies already littered the ground. This was my waking nightmare. I found Lily dueling three men at once. I jumped in and killed two without even thinking about it. I disarmed the last and Lily finished him off.

"Have you seen Scorpius!" I screamed at her. She shook her head, tears streaming down her face.

"Al, what's happening," she whispered. I just shook my head.

I kept running. I watched one of Hugo's friends fall to the ground and I didn't know if he was dead or not. I saw Elian pulling Quinn out of the way whose arm was hanging by a thread. I ran to help but somebody blocked my way.

"The glasses are a nice touch. You truly do look like him."

I looked up. It was the man from the holidays. He was sneering and I've never seen anyone with more hate in his eyes. He smiled sadistically.

"Be grateful," he said. "Your dad got what, 25 years of peace? Time for a change don't you think."

I brought my fist back and punched him in the face. He didn't even flinch.

"Come find me later."

And then he was gone. I tried to run after him but I was too late. I ran back to where Elian was trying to keep Quinn conscious while fixing his arm.

"Have you seen Scorpius!" I yelled at Elian, kneeling down beside Quinn.

"Not five minutes ago," he said. "He was looking for you."

I turned to go but Quinn grabbed my hand. His half conscious eyes were foggy and his voice was shaky but I still heard him.

"Don't let him go."

"I won't," I said. I turned to Elian. "You too, alright?"

I ran off without waiting for an answer. I jumped past the great hall and ran down the first floor where the battle was still raging on. I kept hoping that my dad would swoop in and save the day. Or better yet I would wake up in Scorpius's arms and this would all be a bad dream.

I dodged curses and threw my own but all I could think of was Scorpius. If he was dead, I wouldn't be far behind him.

I finally found him at the end of the hall. He was kneeling on the ground with six wands pointed at his head. His lip was bleeding badly and blood was trickling steadily and fast out of a cut on his shoulder. I met his eyes and they screamed one word; _run._

I didn't. I stood my ground and blocked out the rest of the fighting around me. My wand was in my hand and my eyes were on the leader who had tortured us enough.

"Let him go," I growled.

The man shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Then take me instead." Scorpius's eyes grew wide and he shook his head frantically but I ignored him.

"That's what you want isn't it? Capture him because you'll know that Albus Potter will trade his own life for his. You want me dead."

"No," the man said. "I want you to suffer. Like I suffered when Harry Potter's new order took away from us everything we ever loved. Death Eater's had family's too, Albus Potter."

He took out his wand and pushed Scorpius, making him fall forwards onto his hands.

Scorpius looked up at me. He eyes were wild and terrified.

"Al," he whispered.

I couldn't take it. I threw my wand to the side and fell onto my knees.

"Please," I begged. "_Please_. Take me, not him. Please, not him."

He laughed. "Kill you? I want you to suffer, Albus Potter. Killing you means nothing. The dead can't suffer."

"There's nothing worse than death," I said. Tears were streaking down my face and my eyes never left Scorpius's.

"That's where you're wrong, Albus Potter," said the man, "and I can prove that."

He raised his wand.

"NO!" I screamed.

But I was too late, my promise was broken.

"_Obliviate."_


	8. Chapter 6 part 2

My dad found me. He dug me out of the rubble after the ceiling had collapsed above me. For one blind second of fear I looked around for Scorpius and then it all came back. I broke down and began screaming while my dad tried to get me to calm down. He kept saying _he's alive_ over and over again but he didn't know. He didn't know anything. I finally managed to choke out _Obliviate _and he knew then what had happened.

I woke up hours later in the hospital wing. My dad ended up having to sedate me because I had started to hyperventilate. I looked around the room to find every bed occupied. Every other patient was unconscious. I could hear noise coming from behind the door and I realized that people were being helped on the other side while the stable patients were in here.

I stood up and suddenly my dad was in front of me.

"Al, you have to rest," he said, trying to make me sit down again. I roughly pushed him off.

"Where is he."

"Al, _please_."

I brushed past him and looked around at all the beds. Some people looked whole but some weren't. Quinn was in the bed opposite me. His arm had been reattached but there was a bright pink and purple scar that looked extremely painful. I kept walking all the way to the very end.

He was there. His shoulder was bandaged up and other than that he looked completely fine. He could be sleeping. I grabbed a chair and brought it beside his bed. I grabbed his hand.

I felt my dad standing behind me.

"Has he woken up yet, Harry?" I asked, grinding my teeth together and refusing to cry. I never called him Harry.

"No, he hasn't."

I didn't say anything else. Eventually Harry left and I was alone in a room full of what might as well be the dead.

After enough time for the sun to come up and go down again, I realized there was someone behind me. I turned around and found a tired looking Draco Malfoy looking at me with sad eyes.

On instinct I backed away from Scorpius and dropped his hand.

"He told me," was the first thing Draco Malfoy said to me.

My eyes were wide. "I… wait- what?"

Draco sat down at the end of the bed and held his son's hand. "He told me weeks ago. He said it was stupid not to tell me about the boy he knew he was going to spend the rest of his life with."

I started crying. Scorpius never told me.

Draco stood up and passed a hand through his hair. He looked uncomfortable, torn between breaking down and trying to be strong for his son's sake.

"He should wake up soon. Keep his hand warm for me. " Draco left without a backwards glance.

I grabbed Scor's hand again and sobbed into my arm.

A few hours later, Scorpius did wake up. His eyes opened slowly and they looked tired and confused. When he finally noticed I was there he looked shocked. His eyes found our interlocked hands and he looked horrified.

"Why are you holding my hand, _Potter_?"

_Suffering._


	9. Chapter 7

_The Last Year I Lived Before I Began Existing_

I stopped doing a lot of things the summer before 7th year. I stopped playing quidditch in the backyard. I stopped wearing contacts because I preferred to hide behind my glasses. I stopped eating. The only time I did was when Ginny sat me down and practically force fed me. I stopped living.

Someone who works with James sent me a _get well soon_ card. She sent it with flowers.

White Roses.

I couldn't stop screaming and Harry eventually had to knock me out with magic before I had an aneurysm.

When the end of August was coming closer, my parents started discussing whether or not I should go back to school. Ginny wanted to keep me home until I stopped being a danger to myself. Harry thought that if I stayed here I would go crazy. Well, _crazier_.

So on August 31st I stood by my window looking down at the street with my bags packed at the end of my bed. Harry came in. He was wringing his hands and he looked wretched.

"I tried so hard to protect you and… I failed," he whispered.

"I'm still alive, dad," I said with no emotion.

"But you're not, Albus. You're not here anymore. Part of you died with his memories. I wasn't strong enough to protect both of you."

And then Harry Potter fell to his knees and began to cry. I watched him and I wanted to hug him and tell him it would be alright but I couldn't feel anything. I was dead.

~O-O~

On platform 9 ¾ the next morning, I left my parents as fast as I could and found an empty compartment. The train was quiet unlike it used to be. Everyone was subdued, reeling from what had happened last year. Harry Potter had arrived with auror's and finished the fight. Harry knew that that wasn't going to be the end of it. That was just the beginning, to prove there were flaws in this new world and that there were still some who resisted the change.

I kept the door to the compartment wide open. No one was going to come in though. Because everyone knew now. Everyone knew that Albus Potter had lost hisbest friend even though he was still alive. Only some people knew that I had lost a lot more than that.

About halfway through the trip, Lily came in, just like I had told her to.

"Did you find out?" I asked quietly.

"Yes. He is back. He spent all summer relearning lessons so that he can stay in 7th year. He doesn't remember… anything else though."

"Thanks, Lil."

"Albus…"

I turned to face the window and she got the message. I spent the rest of the train ride in silence.

When the train finally stopped and I took a solitary carriage ride to the castle, I was called aside the moment we reached the entrance hall.

It was the head of Slytherin. He wanted to know if I wanted a separate room this year away from, and I quote, "bad memories". He literally used the words _bad memories_. It was a tempting offer but being alone in a room would probably end in my suicide by the end of the first week. If I had Quinn and Elian and the others to watch me than maybe I could survive the year. Even if it meant sleeping in the same room as him.

The feast had already begun by the time I entered the Great Hall. I walked slowly to the Slytherin table, ignoring the eyes that followed me, and sat down near some younger kids. I took a deep breath and looked down the table.

There he was. He was talking and laughing with everyone around him and it looked like for him, things could be alright again. Everything was the same. The hair, the eyes, the smile. It physically hurt my chest looking at him. I felt like I was having a heart attack. The 4th year girl sitting beside me asked if I was alright. I told her yes and asked if she would pass the potatoes.

Later that night I found myself getting ready for bed with the other lads. Scorpius was with the head of the house. Presumably he was being asked the same thing I had been asked. Although he didn't know the real reason he was being given the opportunity to have his own room.

Scorpius Malfoy wasn't ever to know that we had been best friends. It was apparently better for recovery to start fresh.

Hale and Max had both told me how sorry they were for what had happened. I thanked them politely and went back to unpacking. Quinn and Elian came up next. Before they could say anything I asked Quinn how his arm was. He was wearing a tank top and I could see that the scar was still pink and purple. He said it didn't hurt that much anymore. I was about to tell him that I was happy he didn't die when Scorpius came in. He looked content but also worn out. Introducing yourself to people who know you when you don't must be the fucking worst.

Well, second to your best friend still thinking you hate each other because of your families.

The other boys' eyes went from Scorpius to me and back again. My face went red and Scorpius looked incredibly confused.

"What?" he asked. It was the first time I had heard his voice since June.

I turned away from him so that he wouldn't see me cry and I got into bed, closing the hangings around me. I cast _muffliato _around me because I knew I was about to start sobbing.

_I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry _I chanted over and over again in my head. _I'm sorry mum and dad. I won't make it a year._

~O-O~

Elian became the new quidditch captain. I had mailed in my resignation over the summer and everyone understood. Scorpius stayed on the team. I made Elian tell him that he had always been the captain.

~O-O~

The day before the start of the Christmas holidays and the end of first term was when I first spoke to him. I was in the library finishing homework that had been due two weeks ago. My grades were terrible right now but I didn't care and teachers were understanding. I hadn't had the energy to do homework in awhile and I don't know why I was struck with inspiration today.

I was sitting on the couch that used to be Scorpius's and mine when he came up to me.

"So what's your deal?" he asked bluntly.

"What?" I said stupidly. I couldn't believe he was here, right now, in front of me.

He shrugged one shoulder. "You're all mysterious and weird. Your hair always covers your face and you hide behind those glasses and _merlin_, do you ever eat?"

I opened my damn mouth before I could stop myself. "You weren't the only one who lost something in the battle last year."

Scorpius's face instantly changed and he looked sad and embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," he said. "That was tactless of me. I'm sorry."

He sat down next to me and I swear to god it was as if nothing had changed.

"So what happened to you?" he murmured. His grey eyes bore into mine which were slowly filling up with tears.

"My best friend died," I whispered.

I grabbed my bag and ran from him, tears streaming down my face.

~O-O~

Halfway through the holidays I asked Ginny if she thought me becoming friends with Scorpius again was a good idea or not. She looked sad when she placed a hand on my knee and told me no, she didn't think it was a good idea.

"Don't do that to yourself, Al," she said. "He'll think of you as a new friend but you'll have all the memories from before. It'll hurt too much."

"Everything hurts too much, mum," I said.

~O-O~

When I left my parents house after the holidays I stole a couple bottles of Firewhisky from their liquor cabinet. On the Friday after we returned I found myself sitting alone on a ledge in the common room. It was past midnight and I was alone. I had already finished half the bottle and I was most definitely drunk. I didn't feel sloppy though. I felt numb. I heard footsteps on the stairs and of course it was _him_. He looked around the room and walked over to the couch where he picked up a book. He was about to leave again when he noticed me.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Drinking myself to an early grave."

He looked surprised. "Oh."

He cautiously made his way over to me, like he was expecting me to yell at him and tell him to get lost. He sat down on a chair near me but didn't speak. I took another sip and as the bitter liquid rushed down my throat I remembered that Scorpius had liked me since he was twelve years old. This new Scorpius could vaguely remember being twelve. Which meant that this Scorpius could very well have a crush on me.

Realizing this I laughed masochistically to myself. Scorpius looked up.

"What."

I snorted. "You know that moment when you know your life sucks and then you remember something else that just makes it suck even more?"

"How much have you had to drink?"

I laughed again. "Fuck, this isn't even the worst of my problems. And I have _a lot _of problems."

Scorpius stood and I let him take the Firewhisky from me. He hid it underneath the couch and then picked me up bridal style like it was no big deal.

He carried me over to the stairs and I automatically buried my face in his neck like I used to do.

"I missed this," I hummed. Scorpius stopped walking.

"Wait, what? What did you say?"

"I said thank you, you're good looking."

Scorpius paused for another moment, waiting for me to say something else, but when I didn't he kept climbing towards our dormitory.

He opened the door with his foot and quietly padded across the room so that he wouldn't wake the others. He lay me down on my bed and took off my shoes like a gentleman. He took off my glasses and said, "You may not remember this in the morning but thank you for letting me be your friend."

I brushed my hand over his. "The first time was a lot messier."

And then I fell asleep. The next morning at breakfast I met Scorpius's gaze and I nodded to him, telling him that I did remember but that that was all and there was no more to it.

~O-O~

It's March now and I just want it all to be over. School, not my life.

I hate it here. Everything reminds me of how it used to be. Every time I walk down the halls I swear time slows and everyone looks at me. They look at me with pity and yet not one of them talks to me. Are they scared of me? Am I just the mental kid now? I see my family and they can barely look at me anymore. And I get it. Their cousin, brother is gone. He disappeared and he can't come back.

I've been thinking recently about what comes next. I've been so determined to just finish school and get the hell out here but then what. I don't have a job, I don't know what I want to be. The only thing I planned on was him. Just… being with him.

And now

Nothing.

~O-O~

It was Sunday afternoon and it was sunny and warm. Everyone was outside enjoying it but I stayed in. I did open the window and unbutton my shirt so there mum! At least I did something!

I was sitting on the floor with my back against my bed, listening to _Walk the Moon_ and studying, when Scorpius walked in. He was whistling to himself as he threw his bag onto his bed and began unbuttoning his shirt. It wasn't until he took it off did he notice me.

"Jesus!" he yelled. "Fuck, didn't see you."

"S'all good," I mumbled. I hoped he would leave because I knew I was about to cry and he was the last person I wanted to do it in front of.

Scorpius pulled on a t-shirt and sat on his bed facing me.

"Actually, I was about to go looking for you. I… wanted to talk to you."

I looked up. I knew that tone. It was his _I'm-totally-not-flustered-and-totally-do-not-want- to-kiss-you-right-now_ voice. Shit.

"What's up?" I said.

"I was talking to Quinn and Elian about…" he started, "about you. And apparently we used to be best friends."

I blinked in shock. "Um, yeah. We did used to be best friends."

Scorpius bit his lip and grabbed the back of his neck, his nails digging into the skin. He looked like he hated himself more than anything and I wanted nothing more than to go to him. But I didn't. I couldn't.

"I'm really sorry," he said.

"It's not your fault. You lost your memories."

"I don't know what I'd do if I were you." Scorpius got off his bed and knelt in front of me. "Having to watch your best friend look at you like a stranger."

I sat up straighter as Scorpius wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on like I never wanted to let go.

And I didn't. I forgot about everything and for that one moment, Scorpius was still my boyfriend and we were together and we were happy.

We both held on a bit too long and eventually he backed off and sat opposite me, against his bed.

"I really am sorry," he said one more time. "I used to be really into scrapbooking and I'm guessing you were a part of them but my dad hid all my old ones. He said something about making new memories or some shit like that. I'll look for them sometime. Is this _Walk the Moon_ playing?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Good taste. I love them."

"I know. You bought us tickets to see them in concert four summers ago."

Scorpius stared at me.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

~O-O~

June came and things started to wind down while simultaneously getting really busy. We were almost into exams and everyone was studying wherever they went. I, on the other hand, wasn't. I just had nothing left anymore.

Scorpius had gone home yesterday for one of his medically ordered family meetings to make sure that the memory loss wasn't killing him. Well, it's not _him_ who it's killing. He was coming back today but I didn't know when. Even though we barely talked and it wasn't at all like it used to be it was still nice to see him.

I walked aimlessly through the empty castle while most people were outside studying. Another beautiful day. I ended up in the dungeons and thought I might as well head back to the dormitory. As I walked towards the common room I felt suddenly cold. I couldn't really explain why, I was wearing a sweater (admittedly one of Scorpius's old ones). I gave the password and walked into the common room. I got a weird feeling like something wasn't right. I walked up the stairs feeling more uneasy with every step.

The door to our dorm was locked which was strange. It opened with my wand and I stepped in. I could see everything in front of me.

I stood in the doorway for a long time. Most people would have moved, tried to help. I guess I just knew it was too late.

Scorpius still managed to look beautiful, lying there on the floor. He was wearing one of the shirts I'd given him. His eyes were open but they couldn't see me. Something silver glinted between his fingers. Both of his wrists were slashed and there was a red stain slowly spreading out from his body.

I knelt down next to him and thread my fingers through his hair. He used to love it when I did that. I picked up one of the scrapbooks that were lying near his head. As I opened it, blood dripped off the corner and ran down my hand.

The first one was filled with pictures of us when we were 14, starting at the concert. The next one was 5th year, the year we were closer than best friends. The rest of the books were of us when we were an _us_. There were pictures of us kissing and holding hands and promises we made to each other. He wrote in about our first proper meeting in the prefects bathroom all those years ago and what we told each other in there.

There was a note tucked inside the last one. It was his handwriting but it looked shaky. It read;

_I forgot about you._

_I forgot about us._

I held the note to my chest. Beside the scrapbooks were six colored moleskin notebooks. Their brightness seemed out of place in the room.

I picked up the first one. Red. I opened it to the first page and there was another note. This writing was strong. There were only three lines but to me they were everything.

_Write about you._

_Write about me._

_Write about us._

I held onto Scorpius's cold hand with no intention of ever letting go. That's how Quinn and Elian found me. Except by then, I was screaming.


End file.
